Thursday, March 23, 2017

Beast

Time to Overthink... like I do... I went to see Beauty and the Beast and what really struck me was that Gaston is everything the prince would have become if the prince hadn't been turned into the beast. The Prince insisted on being surrounded by beauty, or as Gaston said, she's the most beautiful and that makes her the best. So I see this as almost a psychological separation of the same man in two parts. Beast has his beauty stripped from him and Gaston does not. The effects of how the world treats them both influences who they become. Gaston is constantly being fed narcissistic supply by everyone. Because of his charm and good looks people literally sing his praises and are willing to follow him to the point of tormenting an individual they don't know, sheerly because Gaston sways them against the Beast based on appearances. 

Both men are focused on Belle but Gaston's interest is purely superficial intending to bend Belle to fill a supporting role to him. Meanwhile though starting off bitter and angry from perceived slights, Beast changes. He is at his most beastly or narcissistic when he feels slighted in the beginning over something minor, a very narcissistic reaction. Anything that threatens a narcissists' ego can elicit an explosive response because it threatens his concept of superiority that he has built this fantasy of a superior self upon. 

However the Beast becomes more and more human as he  gets to know Belle, becoming more vulnerable, something a narcissist would not allow. For instance how the Beast sputters about Belle reading a romance early on, but later is reading a romantic story. True intimacy is terrifying to a narcissist, because it means surrendering control, which narcissists are adamant about maintaining to the point of manipulating people, bending reality, and rewriting history, though lacking personal self control. So as the Beast is still steeped in narcissism, the world is warped into an eternal winter freezing everyone around him, as narcissism is toxic to those around them. 

Eventually as the Beast becomes more open to others, more empathetic, they both compromise and build a relationship. What struck me as a win for the new Beauty and the Beast was when Belle said something to the effect of "can anyone be happy if they are not free". Narcissists can entangle you and if you try to leave, they will try to control you through others. The beast sets her free, a huge step, while Gaston still seeks to manipulate Belle into being his property. 

If the prince had stayed handsome with people stroking his ego, telling him he deserved Belle, he would have been Gaston. But the Beast's servants who don't listen to his unreasonable demands, unlike Gaston's followers, try to help the Beast empathize. Society has a lot of influence which is why narcissists work so hard to control it and perception. Without people enabling and feeding a narcissist, it's hard to prop up the fantasy. It takes the very thing they fear most, accountability, to make a real change.

I also note that Agatha, the enchantress, who is kind and saves Belle's father from Gaston, was maligned by both the Beast and Gaston in her lack luster state while showing the beauty of compassion and caring. This is because she had seen through Gaston and the Beast. The narcissist must turn people against anyone who has seen them without their mask and poses a threat, like Maurice. Belle too was not taken in by Gaston and thus he felt compelled to put her under his power. What cannot be controlled must be destroyed. Character assassination and slander are favorite weapons of the narcissist who wields social influence like a gun aimed at any who might call them out or worse, reveal their darkness to others. 

The real turning point was very symbolic to me. When the beast is holding Gaston by the neck, he has a choice. In that moment the Beast defies his Gaston nature to force his way, he's releasing that side himself, which then falls away like all bad habits, leaving the holes in himself left by the narcissism bare to the world. The self destructive part of him literally self destructs. In its absence, THAT's when Belle can love the Beast and the spell be broken, when all signs of the malignant narcissist the Beast could have become are gone. At that point he is reborn, a new creature, more mentally healthy and capable of an emotionally healthy relationship. The world around him thaws. And the people he had treated as objects to be used, now become humans, able to be themselves again, in this case literally.

Staying with the Beast was Belle's sacrifice and she was actively trying to escape the beast so long as he was acting like a beast. She was only swayed by his true kindness, something Gaston was incapable of... so while I see feminists protesting this tale because of Gaston's toxic masculinity, I'm actually thankful for it. It is a great metaphor for conquering an internal beast.

Another post mentioned how Gaston is terrifying because everyone knows a Gaston, male and female. The real nemesis of the story to me is malignant narcissism, because the only one who can cure a narcissist is themselves. Therapy won't help, they have to be honest with themselves and their therapist, but are too busy spinning tales and manipulating like they always do. Sadly they enjoy their personality disorder and lack the empathy to truly care about those they hurt so long as they have a steady supply of admirers feeding their egos and pursuing their threats for them. 

While a narcissist longs for love, they are their own worst enemies in finding it, unable to empathize, compromise, or even hear when they hurt someone. Narcissists have a quality they think makes them entitled to special treatment and society is all too happy to oblige when it is beauty. To me this is a tale of what happens when a narcissist is stripped of that attribute they think makes them special, and Gaston serves as a reminder of what the prince could have become. Perhaps he would have become more like Humperdink in the Princess Bride, sewn Belle and forced her to be his unhappy bride for the crime of being beautiful. She would might have been forced into fitting a role she was neither suited for nor inclined toward through the royal guards and other terrified flying monkeys crushing her soul, her spirit, and no longer able to invent, but to serve until someone more beautiful came along and she was replaced. 

Sadly that is not a fairytale but reality for many women entangled with a narcissist, considering narcissism, while not exclusive to males, is more prevalent and socially acceptable. I believe there is indeed a lesson here and told better in this rendition than the first.

Monday, September 5, 2016

Neverland


People have a lot of misconceptions about narcissism and tend to think that it's the same as vanity. Although that can coexist with narcissism, it can be any quality that a person thinks makes them entitled to special treatment. Although I've seen many a supposed beauty who could measure their narcissism in selfies/hr, I have seen many narcissists who think their intelligence entitles them to special treatment and the world should just bow to them. They live to be told how brilliant they are while other people do the work. I have even seen narcissistic mothers who live to be told what a wonderful mother they are or how special their children are.

Narcissism's main indicator is a need for narcissistic supply, to have their specialness constantly reinforced by others to attain an illusion of superiority. That feeling of superiority then creates a sense of entitlement and a lack of empathy for others. But there's one source of narcissism that doesn't get talked about. It's the kind that creates the Brock Turners of the world... and that the sheer fact that they are a man.

Unfortunately there are plenty of world religions providing this narcissistic supply, saying men are made in God's image and women are to serve men. The result is it churns out narcissistic males who feel entitled to sex, entitled to women, entitled to special treatment for being male, and a lack of empathy for women which explains why the medical profession takes women's pain, issues, and concerns so lightly. It's why we have a double standard and women's emotions and suffering are treated so unempathetically. But while other forms of narcissism may fade like beauty, intelligence might lessen with aging mental capacity, and a narcissist (who themselves are the only people who can cure a narcissist) might take new stock at their life and reform, a man will always be a man and there will always be an endless supply of rhetoric and a network of enablers and womanizers feeding that narcissistic supply through religion, media, and judges offering lighter sentences for violent crimes against women.

While not all men are narcissistic, there is a structure in place that has created an epidemic of narcissistic men who feel more entitled than ever to sex and women. The media encourages it. Being a womanizer is met with fist bumps for exploiting women while being a responsible mate is regarded as being "whipped". Peter Pan complex (which is the same as narcissism) has created a generation of man-children who never want to grow up. They want their codependent Wendy playing mom and taking care of things while they have their Tinkerbell mistresses. 

Narcissism is a serious disorder that destroys one's capacity for making meaningful relationships. It can compound other disorders and make them even more destructive. But therapy doesn't often work for narcissists because they often enjoy it and just manipulate therapists instead of dealing with their issues, because that would mean admitting they aren't as awesome as they think they are and they tend to withdraw or quit in situations where they don't have control or narcissistic supply. Emotional vulnerability, self awareness, compassion, and nurturing are all weaknesses to a narcissist, or in other words, considered "unmanly" and qualities they exploit in they're victims i.e. Women. Instead they collect their jars of hearts and continue being Lost Boys. 

The problem is they have created a Neverland here full of double standards, male privilege, and lamentations of women where women are blamed when men make bad choices and can be hurt without empathy using phrases like "20 minutes of action", as they destroy a woman's life. We need more men like the two who had empathy that pulled Brock Turner off his victim. So please don't feed the narcissists. It's like feeding bears. They stop searching for healthy relationships and start expecting others to give them things or go through the garbage until they become a nuisance to everyone. Hold them accountable and stop using phrases like "boys will be boys". You are perpetuating male entitlement which leads to worse things. It's more than just teaching consent and empathy. If you tell boys they are special for being boys, they become entitled and lack the empathy to respect consent. 

If anyone should be entitled to anything, it is respect, and that is earned by giving it, by acting responsibly, through caring and self discipline. Entitlements are just excuses for people to act like overgrown 3 year olds. Respect has to be earned, but its foundation is stronger and not as fragile as a narcissistic ego that needs supply. It's unshakable as it is strengthened every day in action through strong character. That's what makes a man instead of a Lost Boy.








Neverland


People have a lot of misconceptions about narcissism and tend to think that it's the same as vanity. Although that can coexist with narcissism, it can be any quality that a person thinks makes them entitled to special treatment. Although I've seen many a supposed beauty who could measure their narcissism in selfies/hr, I have seen many narcissists who think their intelligence entitles them to special treatment and the world should just bow to them. They live to be told how brilliant they are while other people do the work. I have even seen narcissistic mothers who live to be told what a wonderful mother they are or how special their children are.

Narcissism's main indicator is a need for narcissistic supply, to have their specialness constantly reinforced by others to attain an illusion of superiority. That feeling of superiority then creates a sense of entitlement and a lack of empathy for others. But there's one source of narcissism that doesn't get talked about. It's the kind that creates the Brock Turners of the world... and that the sheer fact that they are a man.

Unfortunately there are plenty of world religions providing this narcissistic supply, saying men are made in God's image and women are to serve men. The result is it churns out narcissistic males who feel entitled to sex, entitled to women, entitled to special treatment for being male, and a lack of empathy for women which explains why the medical profession takes women's pain, issues, and concerns so lightly. It's why we have a double standard and women's emotions and suffering are treated so unempathetically. But while other forms of narcissism may fade like beauty, intelligence might lessen with aging mental capacity, and a narcissist (who themselves are the only people who can cure a narcissist) might take new stock at their life and reform, a man will always be a man and there will always be an endless supply of rhetoric and a network of enablers and womanizers feeding that narcissistic supply through religion, media, and judges offering lighter sentences for violent crimes against women.

While not all men are narcissistic, there is a structure in place that has created an epidemic of narcissistic men who feel more entitled than ever to sex and women. The media encourages it. Being a womanizer is met with fist bumps for exploiting women while being a responsible mate is regarded as being "whipped". Peter Pan complex (which is the same as narcissism) has created a generation of man-children who never want to grow up. They want their codependent Wendy playing mom and taking care of things while they have their Tinkerbell mistresses. 

Narcissism is a serious disorder that destroys one's capacity for making meaningful relationships. It can compound other disorders and make them even more destructive. But therapy doesn't often work for narcissists because they often enjoy it and just manipulate therapists instead of dealing with their issues, because that would mean admitting they aren't as awesome as they think they are and they tend to withdraw or quit in situations where they don't have control or narcissistic supply. Emotional vulnerability, self awareness, compassion, and nurturing are all weaknesses to a narcissist, or in other words, considered "unmanly" and qualities they exploit in they're victims i.e. Women. Instead they collect their jars of hearts and continue being Lost Boys. 

The problem is they have created a Neverland here full of double standards, male privilege, and lamentations of women where women are blamed when men make bad choices and can be hurt without empathy using phrases like "20 minutes of action", as they destroy a woman's life. We need more men like the two who had empathy that pulled Brock Turner off his victim. So please don't feed the narcissists. It's like feeding bears. They stop searching for healthy relationships and start expecting others to give them things or go through the garbage until they become a nuisance to everyone. Hold them accountable and stop using phrases like "boys will be boys". You are perpetuating male entitlement which leads to worse things. It's more than just teaching consent and empathy. If you tell boys they are special for being boys, they become entitled and lack the empathy to respect consent. 

If anyone should be entitled to anything, it is respect and that is earned by giving it, by acting responsibly, through caring and self discipline. Entitlements are just excuses for people to act like overgrown 3 year olds. Respect has to be earned, but its foundation is stronger and not as fragile as a narcissistic ego that needs supply. It's unshakable as it is strengthened every day in action through strong character. That's what makes a man instead of a Lost Boy.








Friday, July 22, 2016

Is It the Way He Walks...



The song goes, "Is it the way he walks? Oh no that's not the way," however I think that there actually is a red flag there that is a predictor for emotionally unavailable men.  While I haven't done extensive amounts of dating, the majority of those I have dated were narcissist, psychopaths, or other brands of emotionally unavailable. I'm codependent, and like moths to a flame, I attract the dark triad, but I also am wise to them, which they find terribly upsetting. I'm good at deciphering patterns and I've noticed one in the emotionally unavailable men that I've known. It really is in the way they walk. 

An alpha male protects the herd. He doesn't prey on it.

In a ways it has a lot to do with herd mentality. I'm a protector, a nurturer, a caregiver, so when I am in a group, I tend to walk at the back of the group. This way I can keep an eye on everyone in front of me and be there if they need help. I started doing this while horseback riding on trails, because the trail leader could not see everyone and I was often as much or more experienced than the guide. Occasionally I have been known to jump off my horses and pull a rock out of a hoof, or pull off a loose shoe that the trail leader would have been oblivious to, being in the front. It truly is the guardian position.  It's also the most vulnerable position in a herd, as those who linger behind the pack are often picked off by predators. The sick and the weak can't keep up with the herd.  To leave one behind is to leave them to die, to not care for them anymore. This is why the stallion in a herd of horses takes up the rear most position. He leads from the rear, where he can safeguard the whole herd and not lose anyone because as alpha male, his job is not to lord over everyone and be served, but to serve and protect. Being the most likely to be targeted by a predator, as well as the strongest of the herd, the stallion is the most likely to be successful in fighting off a predator and defending the herd. He makes himself vulnerable to attack because he is strong and confident, having won the position of alpha in many duels with other stallions. Meanwhile emotionally unavailable men are immensely afraid of being vulnerable.

The emotionally unavailable man does the opposite. They avoid the vulnerable position in many ways, but also in walking together. The day after I married my first husband, the psychopath, I found him walking off in front of me, rarely stopping for me to keep up or even looking back to see where I was. All he was thinking of was himself, charging forward with no regard for companions. This has been a consistent behavior among every abusive boyfriend I've had. Sometimes they'll stop and wait up, knowing that this is wrong, catching themselves, but by their very nature, their first impulse is to move forward regardless of the herd. It's about them and their needs, which is consistent with several malevolent personality disorders.

As an example, I had broken my leg and was on crutches as I hobbled into the building to have surgery on my ankle. My husband would not slow down, and in trying to keep up, I ended up falling and breaking my leg worse, which earned an irritated and bewildered look, but no acknowledgement of his own need to be aware of others. When we went to Disney, I paid for the trip, had all the money and provisions in a backpack, but my husband again would dart off leaving me behind almost like I was supposed to chase him, leaving me to weave in and out of crowds that swallowed up the path in his wake. Even after I told him about it, he continued to do it. It was just in his nature. 

Meanwhile, I know another alpha male that he leads from behind. I know several men who are extremely jealous of him, because women throw themselves at him. If you are falling behind, he puts his hand in the small of the woman's back to keep her with him and safe. The protector of the herd... and women flock to it, because he has the herd mentality. He thinks of the groups as we, instead of only thinking of himself.

Recently a friend wanted to see what I thought of a man she was interested in, and when he walked ahead of us, it bothered me. He stopped and looked back, and there was something just wrong about that simple little action. It turned out that he was also emotionally unavailable and suddenly I started to piece together why that bothered me. I'd seen it before, time and time again. So if you really want to know if he loves you so... it's not in his kiss. It's in his walk. Can your significant other walk the walk or are they leaving you behind in more ways than one? 

Saturday, December 5, 2015

Logic Time

Atrocities are the byproduct of a need for control and so is the aftermath. Shootings are very emotional events, and like with anyone who has been exposed to violence, they want to make sure it never happens again. Most people want someone to blame. They want punishment of anyone who might ever do such a thing, and to control the situation. Ironic since the person committing the crime seems the least blamed, and that the event happened out of their need for control.

 If people are willing to break the law to kill innocent people, what makes you think a law will stop them? This is not how you stop these people, because they are already seeking to break the law by killing people! Only people who don't understand psychology think laws are preventative with people who have no regard for boundaries. They only help you prosecute after the crime has been committed. 

Shooters are predators, and predators choose "weak" prey that are least likely to fight back, which is why MOST shootings happen in gun free zones.  Armed citizens have proven to reduce casualties in an active shooter situation, as does fighting back. California has the strictest gun laws in the country and they did not help. Shooters attempt to do the most damage with the least amount of risk to themselves. Anyone who wants to hurt you, will try to weaken you to prevent you from fighting back.  In abusive situations, they will try to remove a support group of outside people that they view as a threat or tear down your confidence to keep you from leaving.  They use rules, laws, and guilt to keep you from fighting back, while they feel above such things. They keep you dependent. Dependent is seen as weak, because it means you cannot defend yourself. The moment you have to depend on someone else for your safety, you are vulnerable.

All the psychopaths I have known, leaned
politically toward liberal Democrat. Though they
themselves did not care much about obeying laws,
they were keen on controlling everyone else's rights.
In most violent situations, you are going to be on your own, and your own response time is going to make the difference. It's time to stop expecting the government to protect you and make everything okay. The police are not psychic superheroes that jump in to save you before you get hurt. They cannot do anything until after a crime has already been committed, which means, damage has already been done, and damage can be done in seconds instead of the minutes it takes for help to arrive. So it is essential to have some knowledge to defend yourself. Just the sheer act of practicing self defense will make you more capable in a situation. When my ex threw a punch at me, my muscle memory acted on reflex before my brain could kick in or freak out. My reflexes could respond then, when in less prepared situations, I froze. When something happens so outside your normal world, it is very natural to freeze or hesitate as your brain has never encountered such a situation. Only preparing can overcome that resistance to accept something outside the norm. Your best defense is to learn to defend yourself, because even if something does happen, the sheer act of fighting back will help you deal with being a victim better. Get your own gun or take martial arts. And always be aware of your surroundings and exits. This is not just for shooters but muggers, rapists, and violent exes. I've had some scary and painful first dates. You just never know who is going to be antisocial. 

The people who will attack you in any of these situations are not normal people gone bad. They are what are known as antisocial, which is NOT introverted. Antisocial means against society, also known as sociopaths or psychopaths, who have no respect for the rules of society and pride themselves in getting around those rules. They have no guilt or empathy and in the case of psychopaths will actually draw pleasure from hurting you, which is very aberrant brain activity, making up a single digit percentage of the population. These same people steal, lie, and manipulate for a feeling of power and control. They are NOT normal law-abiding gun owners. If you want to blame a "group" that is responsible, blame psychopaths, and realize that they do not respond to the normal constraints of normal people and are incurable, unreasonable, and capable of anything. Antisocial personalities can be any sex, religion, or culture. They look just like everybody else, which makes quick judgments difficult for media and other head hunters looking for someone to blame. You can only tell them by their behavior or a brain scan. But chances are, this is a pattern and not a one time instance. Even if they aren't overtly breaking laws... or at least getting caught breaking the law, they are likely parasitic in their relationships and there are signs of their disregard for boundaries. 

Owning a gun does not instantly make someone antisocial. It has been proven that people with their conceal carry are some of the most trustworthy law-abiding citizens. Much gun crime is done by repeat offenders, who are not allowed weapons anyhow, while shooters often have little gun experience. So the dude going down to the range to shoot once a week is more likely to be the one you want at your back if something does go down than the person you should be afraid of committing the crime. He's already law abiding. Meanwhile the thug with the rap sheet as long as his arm who should still be in jail, probably stole said gun or got it illegally. A thug is not going to let on that he owns one. The real threats to society are those who are already antisocial / anti-society. It is more difficult to outlaw a personality disorder that belongs to many CEOs and politicians running this country, because they expressed their need for power over others differently.

Gun control has not improved the situation. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. We have more gun control and more shooters. They are increasing at the same rate. It's not working, because that is not the root of the problem. I live near Kennesaw, Ga which began to require all it's citizens to be armed, in opposition to the increasing gun control. The result was that crime all but evaporated and criminals started targeting the surrounding "weaker" cities instead. The one shooter incident that happened in Kennesaw was in the one gun free zone, the Post Office. Someone tried to carjack in Kennesaw and was instantly taken down by an armed citizen. 

Part of the mentality that is the growing problem is thinking of the government as a god that can alter the universe with a vote.  You are not entitled to be taken care of, and you cannot outlaw a mental condition that has been around since the dawn of time. While psychopaths show up with brain scans, sociopathy, or learned anti-social behavior does not. So we have to do something that we should have been doing from the start, judging people on their own personal actions and not their attributes or accoutrements. The government is not a god, not your parents there to take care of you, because you don't want to grow up and take responsibility. It is our country and our responsibility to care for it and our neighbors. We have become complacent and need to get actively involved with our own protection. We need to be able to identify those with antisocial psychiatric risks and stop letting antisocial violent criminals out of prison to make room for non-violent victimless drug users. Stop targeting innocent people and looking for blame. If you want to control something. Take control of yourself, and prepare for emergencies. In all of history, our generation has been blessed to live in a time of relative peace that has allowed us to grow and progress at an abnormal rate. However, that is not the norm. It is a fragile state and must be maintained by us. We can't just delegate our security to someone else and expect them to take it as seriously. You are a statistic to the government. It's up to you, what kind of statistic you are. 

Thursday, December 3, 2015

Money and the Dark Triad

Before we get started, I'll let Wikipedia define the Dark Triad. As I seem to attract all three and they have traits that overlap and make it hard to distinguish between a self centered narcissist and a self obsessed sociopath or psychopath. Due to this overlap I'm going to refer to my observations about the malignant personality types as the triad though some may apply more to narcissists and some more to psychopaths. However they each qualify under malevolent qualities. All three of these are self-absorbed liars and manipulators, who lack empathy and exploit others. While they may be different flavors of crap, they're still all steaming piles of crap.
The dark triad [1] is a group of three personality traits: narcissismMachiavellianism and psychopathy.[2][3][4] Use of the term "dark" implies that these traits have malevolent qualities:[5][6][7][8]
The Dark Triad tends to be attracted to a certain type of person, whether you want to call it empathetic, empaths, codependent, care giver, or just kind or caring people, the triad considers these people to be ripe pickings for their dramas, because the caring and empathy they lack or only pretend to have is seen as a weakness that is easy to manipulate. You'll often find more than one empath around one of the triad, as they tend to use their poison on multiple people. However you may notice that the triad will cycle through these people, and once they've used one up, another one is already waiting in the wings to be manipulated. There's a high turn over rate for those close to one of the triad, and those who stay are either being manipulated through fear, guilt, and false hope or abundantly patient, waiting on the person to change into the act they first met. 
They will not change. The problem is that there is absolutely no cure for psychopathy, as their brain is literally wired wrong to enjoy causing pain. The prognosis for the rest of the triad is not so good either. Machs are often proud of what they are, and narcissists enjoy their malevolent behavior as well. The only person who can cure a narcissist is themselves, but as they lack the empathy to care about how they hurt others, they aren't often interested in changing. Besides, there's another person waiting to be their bitch, especially if they are attractive. So if you love one of the triad, you either need to have some seriously strong boundaries and know how to keep them from violating yours (which takes more energy than most people have). If not, you need to get out and accept that a relationship is only as healthy as its only unhealthiest member, and they are pretty much as unhealthy as it gets, with no hope of improvement. This is why I find it necessary to attempt to help educate people, so they won't have to suffer through the same things I have, time and again as I tried to reason with the unreasonable. Unfortunately if you are someone who has been abused, you attract and are often attracted to abusers. Victims will repeat the cycle until dealing with the core of the original abuse, understanding yourself and your motivations, and learning to spot red flags early on. So maybe this will help highlight some red flags.
Money is Power, and they are all about power. As the Dark Triad is all about power and control, you can expect money to be one of the big focuses of a malignant triad. They are wheelers and dealers, concerned with seeing how much they can get, while giving the least. This is more than the simple pleasures of finding something on sale or saving money, because they are often impulsive spendthrifts on themselves.  Instead it's about manipulating people. It's a power rush for a triad to control something. So you can count on them to attempt to "mojo" others into giving them something for nothing or at least less. The name of the game is (and I've heard this exact phrase out of a few) "I want to see how much money I can get out of them" or "Let me mojo them, I bet I can make them to give it to me". This is often a point of pride to a triad to be able to not just get a good deal but to "talk them into it". The more they can get out of someone, the more powerful and reaffirmed in their specialness they feel. 
They probably have bad credit. This is more common among antisocial behavior (antisocial equates to sociopathic NOT introverted), but still holds true across the board for the more malignant exploitive sides of the disorders. While one of the triad may try to control their partner's spending, psychopaths especially are very impulsive and can't seem to budget or control their own spending, so they control the one person with control, you. Often debts are ignored, including any contributions that the triad feels entitled to in order to dig them out of their financial hole. This hand up is often treated with ungratefulness or entitlement, as if they were deserving of it. Work done for them will often go unpaid or bills ignored unless there is some sort of penalty to keep them in check. They hate these penalties and any repercussions for their late payments, because accountability is foreign and unfair to them. If someone has haggled you on getting work cheap, they tend to also be the ones less likely to pay up or not have it when the time comes. They rarely hold up their end of the bargain. This disregard for others and entitlement means that student loans get evaded, taxes don't get filed, and workers go unpaid, while the triad lines their own coffers. 
Gifts come with strings attached. If they do spend money on you, they want something. This is the guy who feels entitled to sex, because he bought you dinner. Also it is the person who bought you a present and now thinks they have the right to tell you what to do with it. Or it is the person who now uses a gift as power over you in some way. This is more than someone who gives and gives and then feels unappreciated and explodes. That's usually the victim who is a giver while the triad often a taker or parasite. The triad simply will use what they can to elicit the responses they want out of people, and while they seem unconcerned with what they owe, they also are the first to say "you owe me". They tend to ignore thousands of dollars spent on them, but if they spend a dollar, you should be grateful, and look at what they do for you. When they give, often they don't give you what you want/need, but what they think you should have. My ex, knowing I hate anything on my wrists, bought me a watch and then got mad that I didn't wear it, and well, my dad did the same damn thing. Both knew from the start that I hated watches, and though I tended to be on time or early, they still insisted not only on buying me one, but griping that I never wore it.
If they find out you have money, they'll find a way to spend it... on them. Controlling the money means controlling people and debasing the power of others. The triad wants to be in control and believes they are the only ones worthy of being in control or wielding power. So they want to control the money and how it is spent to make sure their victim is without power, in some cases the power to leave. They will always make their need seem greater than yours. My ex didn't want me to work, because he wanted to keep me financially dependent. Then when I did work, he would spend my entire paycheck so I couldn't. Once, my mother gave me some money, just for me, and the moment he discovered I had it, he repurposed it immediately. This is the same person that one day ran off without a word, emptied the bank account, leaving me $40 to my name. He then "lost" $700... about the running rate for cocaine and whores, I've been told. He then, as psychopaths cannot conceive cause and effect, could not understand why I got a separate bank account. Meanwhile I was forbidden to spend money on myself, and if I bought anything, I would be reamed for it. At the same time he was constantly bringing home things from Belks where he was a manager. For my birthday, he invited me to the store he worked at and made me pick out and buy my own present with my own damned money, but it had to be what he wanted me to have, lingerie.
They are both nicer to people with money and jealous of them. The way to control money is to manipulate people who have it. Almost every member of the triad I've known was far nicer to people with money but could be a down right bastard to people without... even if they themselves happen to be poor due to mismanagement of their own money. That's because they only care about people as far as they can use them and view most people as there to serve their needs like some disinherited royalty. At the same time I saw many of them kissing ass in public, when we were alone there was often a great deal of jealousy and resentment that the triad somehow thought they deserved the wealth, fame, attention, or influence more. This is in spite of any hard work or savvy the powerful person needed to attain said power. But the triad moreso narcissists/psychopaths are too busy being jealous and entitled to take note of the work it took to get there, not understanding cause and affect as well as they think. Meanwhile Machs tend to take notes and learn more than wasting time being jealous. The more egocentric of the triad want to not only be in control, but sole control, and don't want anyone else to have more than them, so they can live by their own rules and not have to answer to anyone. Seeing people who possess what they want, burns these extreme egos. They are rarely happy for other people's success unless they are actively using those people to reach their own to be center stage.
Materialism. Possessions are about Power. If the dark triad have any love languages, it's gifts and words of affirmation, receiving both, not actually giving like people who actually are capable of genuine love. They are groomers of their own image, because they know that image is how they manipulate people, so they use things to enhance that image. It translates into power. Whether it's a spiffy wardrobe, a fancy car, a big house, or the newest gadget, they are not only keeping up with the Joneses, they want to be the Joneses. Narcissists' big tell is a need for narcissistic supply, or people to inflate their ego. This narcissistic supply comes from people telling them how awesome they are, whether it's beauty, intelligence, or some other facet which they believe entitles them to special treatment. They chafe at the "negativity" and feelings of others, also known as "reality", but they themselves are very negative and extremely harsh critics, when it comes judging others. They use this to make psychopathic fiction of their specialness and superiority in order to contrast and make themselves look better. Triads surround themselves with caring people who constantly tell them what they want to hear and revile those who poke holes in their bubbles with honesty or logic. This double standard ensures that they are receiving, not giving, because they feel above even their own rules. Their obsession with possessions is just an extension of their obsession with power and control. While they often have no concern for how they treat your stuff, in a relationship they tend to be "what's yours is mine and what's mine is mine". This is the ignoring of boundaries at play. And antisocial triads have no qualms about just taking things to prove they can, and find the power play an amusing game. The bigger problem is that when it comes to acquiring "things"... YOU may be considered one of these acquisitions. I had one person who I was engaged to, treat me like a tool and offer me to someone else to do art for them without asking me in the least, while I was sitting right there. "Oh, Lindsay will do that for you." "Excuse me?" Psychopaths' proto-emotion of caring is often with the person they care about as a form of property. My exhusband who had 3 short-lived marriages before me, often referred to me as "my wife", dehumanizing me and indicating that I was little more than property. The operative word to them is "MY", which is all that matters to them. The triad acquire things and people to help them meet their goals to attain power, even if they go about it in different ways. While those objectified people may be expendable and interchangeable, it's the power attached to them that carries actual meaning to a triad, such as having an attractive mate, but who is inside that mate doesn't matter. One poster child for narcissism, and admitted Peter Pan complex (which is the same thing) used to attempt to devalue his exes by sending them chocolates to make them fat after a break up. Because at their core, the triad cares most about looks and controlling the perception of others. It couldn't be the break up had anything to do with him being a giant prick. He had to make it seem like she was no longer worthy of him, and make sure everyone else felt that way too by devaluing her, instead of looking too closely at him.
All the world's a stage. If anything, the triad are good actors. Psychopaths and sociopaths, though actually lacking in empathy are mimics who can put on a good show of being an empath, but it's all empty and surface level. It's merely part of how they draw victims in and never lasts once they get you where they want you. Ted Bundy pretended to be injured to get kind people to help him so he could lure them away to be killed. He set the stage and drew them in. Narcissists and Machs too, are about setting the stage for their intrigues, as well.  Narcissists make big entrances, soaking up as much of the spotlight as possible, while Machs are often pulling strings back stage. They all wear masks while hiding their true selves, and ruining anyone who tries to reveal the truth about them. Once, my ex told me to "act nice" if you get pulled over and they'll let you off. He often advised me how to "act", because he couldn't BE or even conceive of BEING nice. If you turned your back, you'd see how ugly he truly was. He told me how he learned to make himself cry on stage by staring into the light to make his eyes water, and then I caught him doing it while trying to make me feel sorry for him. But a good actor, needs a set, a stage, and that's where money comes in. One of the reasons I have come to loathe Christmas, was because of my ex's obsession with making everything LOOK perfect. Meanwhile I was in a torturously abusive relationship inside that house. He cared more about how strangers perceived how happy we must be from the outside, than the atrocities inside, and he treated his own body the same way. He was always a sharp dresser and loved the attention. He spent more on clothes and hair product than I ever did, and people responded to him more than they ever did me. I guess when you don't care about people just perception, there's no need for social anxiety. With the stage set, he played the good Christian in front of my folks for Christmas, forcing them to watch Jesus of Nazereth, when in truth he was the leader of a wiccan coven. It was just a shell game. He used his purchases to play the pristine soul and cover the stench of the rotting corpse that lay within. These performances helped him turn people against me time and time again to where I was not only being victimized by him, but by everyone else forcing him on me as well. They always bought the act, which is all he ever had to give. And most people don't take the time to look very deep past their glamours.
It's all about them. There was a story once of a man who found a credit card in the parking lot. Instead of turning it in, he used it to buy a meal with his buddies. This same man had $250 cash on him, and was a millionaire. I guarantee he was one of the dark triad. They don't do this out of any need. They aren't Aladdin stealing bread because they are starving. At the end of the day it's all about them, and what they get out of it. They aren't concerned with paying people what they're worth, because they aren't really concerned with other people outside of how it affects them and what they can get out of it. Funny how someone who treats you like crap and makes you feel horrible about yourself, only does so, so you will sell yourself short and give them the milk for free. At the end of the day, they know you're worth... They just don't want to have to pay for it. 
If you have one of the dark triad breaking you down, odds are that while they are tearing you down telling you what's wrong with you, they are doing so because of what's right with you. They've found something good and they know it. And all the vile things spill out of what is wrong with them far more than what is wrong with you. Healthy people don't go around destroying others and stomping all over their boundaries. If any of this sounds familiar, please seek counseling, because of the inevitable emotional damage they will wreak upon you, but know that counseling will not help a member of the dark triad. These malignant personalities will just use therapy to either become better at manipulating people, or manipulate the therapist into another way to control you. Mine wrapped one therapist around his finger and was using her to try and make me come back to him, till I informed her how he tried to kill me. This is after he had groomed another therapist onto his side with ease, spinning things to be the victim. At the end of the day, they will just lie and manipulate and continue to do what they do. It is simply in their nature. Of all the lies of dealing with the dark triad. The worst ones are the ones we tell ourselves about who they are. They have already told you who they are with their actions. Stop listening to what they say. 

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Idiot Meme Makers...

Proving Liberals use emotion to manipulate people
about things they don't understand
with things they don't understand.
There comes a point where you just get tired of the BS, and I've had enough of this dross... *strikes a match*

Dear meme makers... Seeking shelter... yes... but Joseph and Mary were NOT refugees, they were more like someone trying to find a hotel for Dragon Con because they had to go to their original homeland for a census for a short time before returning to their actual real home. "There's no room at the Marriott... Oh I guess we'll have to stay at the Holiday Inn". They did run to Egypt when Herod was killing all the male children, but that was not the Christmas story. Maybe you should read that book before spouting off. If you aren't going to judge Muslims, don't judge Christians either. It either goes for everyone or no one. One is not more acceptable than the other, and there are asshole extremists in every religion, even atheism.

I am all about judging people by their actions. How about we do some of that, instead of trying to manipulate people. I'm sick of people who wouldn't lift a finger personally, telling other people to make the government help. If you want to actually help refugees, why don't you adopt a family and let them live with you instead of telling other people what to do. It's a bit different when YOU have to make the sacrifice and shell out money to take care of someone instead of bleating emotionally about other people's responsibilities to do what you are not willing to do yourself. What? You don't have the financial means to do that? Have you seen the national debt? America can barely care for itself! Sometimes you can care and WANT to help and still not be ABLE to help. If you have the means and are telling others to help, when it never touches your life, then you are a hypocrite, and I will judge you by your actions. If you're going to judge, you're going to get judged. It goes both ways.

Your mouth does not win you points for being a good person, your own personal actions do. Really hate abortion, adopt a baby or take in a teen mom so they don't feel so alone. Want to stop drugs, work at a rehab. Want more welfare, take in a homeless person, or help a family down on their luck. Get involved. Making the government steal money from others so you can feel good about yourselves is the most selfish cop out ever, because you never get your hands dirty. Your beliefs don't make you a better person. Your actions do. So put up or shut up! And stop bashing things you don't even understand to try and prove your point.