Neverland

People have a lot of misconceptions about narcissism and tend to think that it's the same as vanity. Although that can coexist with narcissism, it can be any quality that a person thinks makes them entitled to special treatment. Although I've seen many a supposed beauty who could measure their narcissism in selfies/hr, I have seen many narcissists who think their intelligence entitles them to special treatment and the world should just bow to them. They live to be told how brilliant they are while other people do the work. I have even seen narcissistic mothers who live to be told what a wonderful mother they are or how special their children are.

Narcissism's main indicator is a need for narcissistic supply, to have their specialness constantly reinforced by others to attain an illusion of superiority. That feeling of superiority then creates a sense of entitlement and a lack of empathy for others. But there's one source of narcissism that doesn't get talked about. It's the kind that creates the Brock Turners of the world... and that the sheer fact that they are a man.

Unfortunately there are plenty of world religions providing this narcissistic supply, saying men are made in God's image and women are to serve men. The result is it churns out narcissistic males who feel entitled to sex, entitled to women, entitled to special treatment for being male, and a lack of empathy for women which explains why the medical profession takes women's pain, issues, and concerns so lightly. It's why we have a double standard and women's emotions and suffering are treated so unempathetically. But while other forms of narcissism may fade like beauty, intelligence might lessen with aging mental capacity, and a narcissist (who themselves are the only people who can cure a narcissist) might take new stock at their life and reform, a man will always be a man and there will always be an endless supply of rhetoric and a network of enablers and womanizers feeding that narcissistic supply through religion, media, and judges offering lighter sentences for violent crimes against women.

While not all men are narcissistic, there is a structure in place that has created an epidemic of narcissistic men who feel more entitled than ever to sex and women. The media encourages it. Being a womanizer is met with fist bumps for exploiting women while being a responsible mate is regarded as being "whipped". Peter Pan complex (which is the same as narcissism) has created a generation of man-children who never want to grow up. They want their codependent Wendy playing mom and taking care of things while they have their Tinkerbell mistresses. 

Narcissism is a serious disorder that destroys one's capacity for making meaningful relationships. It can compound other disorders and make them even more destructive. But therapy doesn't often work for narcissists because they often enjoy it and just manipulate therapists instead of dealing with their issues, because that would mean admitting they aren't as awesome as they think they are and they tend to withdraw or quit in situations where they don't have control or narcissistic supply. Emotional vulnerability, self awareness, compassion, and nurturing are all weaknesses to a narcissist, or in other words, considered "unmanly" and qualities they exploit in they're victims i.e. Women. Instead they collect their jars of hearts and continue being Lost Boys. 

The problem is they have created a Neverland here full of double standards, male privilege, and lamentations of women where women are blamed when men make bad choices and can be hurt without empathy using phrases like "20 minutes of action", as they destroy a woman's life. We need more men like the two who had empathy that pulled Brock Turner off his victim. So please don't feed the narcissists. It's like feeding bears. They stop searching for healthy relationships and start expecting others to give them things or go through the garbage until they become a nuisance to everyone. Hold them accountable and stop using phrases like "boys will be boys". You are perpetuating male entitlement which leads to worse things. It's more than just teaching consent and empathy. If you tell boys they are special for being boys, they become entitled and lack the empathy to respect consent. 

If anyone should be entitled to anything, it is respect, and that is earned by giving it, by acting responsibly, through caring and self discipline. Entitlements are just excuses for people to act like overgrown 3 year olds. Respect has to be earned, but its foundation is stronger and not as fragile as a narcissistic ego that needs supply. It's unshakable as it is strengthened every day in action through strong character. That's what makes a man instead of a Lost Boy.

Neverland

People have a lot of misconceptions about narcissism and tend to think that it's the same as vanity. Although that can coexist with narcissism, it can be any quality that a person thinks makes them entitled to special treatment. Although I've seen many a supposed beauty who could measure their narcissism in selfies/hr, I have seen many narcissists who think their intelligence entitles them to special treatment and the world should just bow to them. They live to be told how brilliant they are while other people do the work. I have even seen narcissistic mothers who live to be told what a wonderful mother they are or how special their children are.

Narcissism's main indicator is a need for narcissistic supply, to have their specialness constantly reinforced by others to attain an illusion of superiority. That feeling of superiority then creates a sense of entitlement and a lack of empathy for others. But there's one source of narcissism that doesn't get talked about. It's the kind that creates the Brock Turners of the world... and that the sheer fact that they are a man.

Unfortunately there are plenty of world religions providing this narcissistic supply, saying men are made in God's image and women are to serve men. The result is it churns out narcissistic males who feel entitled to sex, entitled to women, entitled to special treatment for being male, and a lack of empathy for women which explains why the medical profession takes women's pain, issues, and concerns so lightly. It's why we have a double standard and women's emotions and suffering are treated so unempathetically. But while other forms of narcissism may fade like beauty, intelligence might lessen with aging mental capacity, and a narcissist (who themselves are the only people who can cure a narcissist) might take new stock at their life and reform, a man will always be a man and there will always be an endless supply of rhetoric and a network of enablers and womanizers feeding that narcissistic supply through religion, media, and judges offering lighter sentences for violent crimes against women.

While not all men are narcissistic, there is a structure in place that has created an epidemic of narcissistic men who feel more entitled than ever to sex and women. The media encourages it. Being a womanizer is met with fist bumps for exploiting women while being a responsible mate is regarded as being "whipped". Peter Pan complex (which is the same as narcissism) has created a generation of man-children who never want to grow up. They want their codependent Wendy playing mom and taking care of things while they have their Tinkerbell mistresses. 

Narcissism is a serious disorder that destroys one's capacity for making meaningful relationships. It can compound other disorders and make them even more destructive. But therapy doesn't often work for narcissists because they often enjoy it and just manipulate therapists instead of dealing with their issues, because that would mean admitting they aren't as awesome as they think they are and they tend to withdraw or quit in situations where they don't have control or narcissistic supply. Emotional vulnerability, self awareness, compassion, and nurturing are all weaknesses to a narcissist, or in other words, considered "unmanly" and qualities they exploit in they're victims i.e. Women. Instead they collect their jars of hearts and continue being Lost Boys. 

The problem is they have created a Neverland here full of double standards, male privilege, and lamentations of women where women are blamed when men make bad choices and can be hurt without empathy using phrases like "20 minutes of action", as they destroy a woman's life. We need more men like the two who had empathy that pulled Brock Turner off his victim. So please don't feed the narcissists. It's like feeding bears. They stop searching for healthy relationships and start expecting others to give them things or go through the garbage until they become a nuisance to everyone. Hold them accountable and stop using phrases like "boys will be boys". You are perpetuating male entitlement which leads to worse things. It's more than just teaching consent and empathy. If you tell boys they are special for being boys, they become entitled and lack the empathy to respect consent. 

If anyone should be entitled to anything, it is respect and that is earned by giving it, by acting responsibly, through caring and self discipline. Entitlements are just excuses for people to act like overgrown 3 year olds. Respect has to be earned, but its foundation is stronger and not as fragile as a narcissistic ego that needs supply. It's unshakable as it is strengthened every day in action through strong character. That's what makes a man instead of a Lost Boy.

Is It the Way He Walks...

The song goes, "Is it the way he walks? Oh no that's not the way," however I think that there actually is a red flag there that is a predictor for emotionally unavailable men.  While I haven't done extensive amounts of dating, the majority of those I have dated were narcissist, psychopaths, or other brands of emotionally unavailable. I'm codependent, and like moths to a flame, I attract the dark triad, but I also am wise to them, which they find terribly upsetting. I'm good at deciphering patterns and I've noticed one in the emotionally unavailable men that I've known. It really is in the way they walk. 

An alpha male protects the herd. He doesn't prey on it.

In a ways it has a lot to do with herd mentality. I'm a protector, a nurturer, a caregiver, so when I am in a group, I tend to walk at the back of the group. This way I can keep an eye on everyone in front of me and be there if they need help. I started doing this while horseback riding on trails, because the trail leader could not see everyone and I was often as much or more experienced than the guide. Occasionally I have been known to jump off my horses and pull a rock out of a hoof, or pull off a loose shoe that the trail leader would have been oblivious to, being in the front. It truly is the guardian position.  It's also the most vulnerable position in a herd, as those who linger behind the pack are often picked off by predators. The sick and the weak can't keep up with the herd.  To leave one behind is to leave them to die, to not care for them anymore. This is why the stallion in a herd of horses takes up the rear most position. He leads from the rear, where he can safeguard the whole herd and not lose anyone because as alpha male, his job is not to lord over everyone and be served, but to serve and protect. Being the most likely to be targeted by a predator, as well as the strongest of the herd, the stallion is the most likely to be successful in fighting off a predator and defending the herd. He makes himself vulnerable to attack because he is strong and confident, having won the position of alpha in many duels with other stallions. Meanwhile emotionally unavailable men are immensely afraid of being vulnerable.

The emotionally unavailable man does the opposite. They avoid the vulnerable position in many ways, but also in walking together. The day after I married my first husband, the psychopath, I found him walking off in front of me, rarely stopping for me to keep up or even looking back to see where I was. All he was thinking of was himself, charging forward with no regard for companions. This has been a consistent behavior among every abusive boyfriend I've had. Sometimes they'll stop and wait up, knowing that this is wrong, catching themselves, but by their very nature, their first impulse is to move forward regardless of the herd. It's about them and their needs, which is consistent with several malevolent personality disorders.

As an example, I had broken my leg and was on crutches as I hobbled into the building to have surgery on my ankle. My husband would not slow down, and in trying to keep up, I ended up falling and breaking my leg worse, which earned an irritated and bewildered look, but no acknowledgement of his own need to be aware of others. When we went to Disney, I paid for the trip, had all the money and provisions in a backpack, but my husband again would dart off leaving me behind almost like I was supposed to chase him, leaving me to weave in and out of crowds that swallowed up the path in his wake. Even after I told him about it, he continued to do it. It was just in his nature. 

Meanwhile, I know another alpha male that he leads from behind. I know several men who are extremely jealous of him, because women throw themselves at him. If you are falling behind, he puts his hand in the small of the woman's back to keep her with him and safe. The protector of the herd... and women flock to it, because he has the herd mentality. He thinks of the groups as we, instead of only thinking of himself.

Recently a friend wanted to see what I thought of a man she was interested in, and when he walked ahead of us, it bothered me. He stopped and looked back, and there was something just wrong about that simple little action. It turned out that he was also emotionally unavailable and suddenly I started to piece together why that bothered me. I'd seen it before, time and time again. So if you really want to know if he loves you so... it's not in his kiss. It's in his walk. Can your significant other walk the walk or are they leaving you behind in more ways than one?