Carrying is Awkward

So I've been carrying for a month now, and let me tell you, it's weird.  Previously it had been in the fanny-pack of doom, and everyone thought I was just a geeky mom.  There was no real response, because no one ever saw the gun.  Recently I shifted to a crossbreed holster, which makes the gun far more accessible, and going to the bathroom a lot easier.  I know that's a silly thing, but it's something you don't have to worry about until you're there.

Now when I bend over to put Morgan into her carseat, often my shirt comes up and you can see the weapon. Tuesday in the line up picking Morgan up from school (which I never enter, they bring them to the car) I've noticed the teachers don't talk to me anymore (and they are aware of my ex being released).  I heard the lady in the car behind me comment to one of the teachers, so I know it makes others uncomfortable, but it shouldn't.  Yesterday I picked up a friend of mine's daughter from school, ( I had taken off my gun and stowed it in my car, again never entering the school), and she was telling me that the school got wind of a mother who had left her gun in her car, but the mere presence of it, banned her from ever entering the school again. WTF?!?!?

First of all... how many women have perpetrated a school shooting?  What mother would endanger not only other children, but their own?  And if a school shooting did happen, I guarantee, most armed parents would probably risk their own life for their child's.  Most school shootings are not done by a parent or teacher, but an outsider, usually male, or a student... again usually male.  Not exclusively, I realize, but all you have to do is look at prison populations to know that females are lower risk.

A gun in the hand of a woman, evens the playing field where half the population could probably overpower them by sheer mass alone.  The vast majority of my female friends have been raped and/or molested, which speaks volumes to the very real threat of sexual violence from men, which could be easily defended with a weapon not dependent on strength. There are far more people raped and molested than there are shot, which leads me to my inappropriate comment the other day, "Why yes, I have a gun. You have a cock. I'll give mine up, when you give up yours. I've been raped, have you ever been shot? Which is more likely to cause harm in the wrong hands?"

As I sat in the line of cars, waiting to pick up my friend's daughter, I thought what if the tables were turned, what if every parent here were armed, and an incident happened.  But then if parents and teachers were armed, the likelihood of an incident happening at all would drop significantly.  At the recent mall shooting in another country, armed men took over and killed people at their leisure. The authorities began to realize that it never would have happened if even a couple of people in the mall had been armed at the time.

Being dependent on other people for your protection, period, is a bad bet. I lived next to the Sheriff's daughter, when my incident went down, and not a scream or cry was responded to that night.  I could not call for help, because he pulled all the phone cords out of the walls, and it's hard to dial when you're in the midst of the fight of your life, and someone's trying to tie you up with duct tape.  Part of the torture of the event, was that I was within spitting distance of a knife that I kept near the bed.  I stared at it, wishing I was telekinetic, trying to pull a skywalker to no avail.  Weapons nearby can seem a million miles away, if you can't get to them in time.  There's no guarantee you'll make it to them.  Police wouldn't be able to do anything until after a crime is committed, and by then it's too late, even if you happen to make that call.

From the awkward looks, and uncomfortable expressions of others, I was starting to wonder about carrying, but after being stalked so often, I know that attacks can come at any point in your life's pattern, which they often observe ahead of time.  What sealed it though, is a ranting stream of consciousness email from a friend of mine's stalker, who I suppose is now mine too.  He's been blocked, warned, and told to fuck off, but he keeps coming back, because ... these people's minds do not work like normal people.  Psychopaths and their obsessive ilk have brains that literally do not function properly. It's one of the reasons that there is no rehabilitation for a psychopath. There is literally no cure for them. Go watch Dexter...

Still it's hilarious that a known stalker, in the process of stalking would advise me to not carry a gun.  Of course he would! Mr. Ignores Restraining Orders would love for his targets to be unarmed and vulnerable. After all, someone doing things worthy of being shot, would like their victims to be unarmed.  Thieves would love for you to turn the alarms off and leave the doors unlocked.  Rapists would appreciate it if you didn't carry mace.  And cyberstalkers would really like me to not call them out on their shit while they are actively stalking.

To those who don't seem to get it. Stalking is unwanted or obsessive attention by an individual or group toward another person. Stalking behaviors are related to harassment and intimidation and may include following the victim in person or monitoring them. Cyberstalking is the use of computers or other electronic technology to facilitate stalking. "Stalking is a form of mental assault, in which the perpetrator repeatedly, unwantedly, and disruptively breaks into the life-world of the victim, with whom they have no relationship (or no longer have)."

Nothing could be a more solid supporting statement in favor of carrying than a stalker recommending against it.  Wolves will always vote away the sheep's defenses.  After all, there might be consequences when they ignore your basic human rights, and that would be horrible, because they know they are better than everyone else.  Sounds like a political statement... about people wanting to exploit you and not wanting you to be able to fight back ... hmm. But in general predators prey on those they perceive to be weak, whether they be compassionate and altruistic or pacifists, these all seem like weakness to psychos.  Therefore, talk softly and carry a big stick... or a gun.

I have no desire to take someone's life.  I do not want to ever have to use my gun.  However, after my experiences, I know a lot of heartache could have been prevented if I'd been armed. After all I'd had to wrestle a shot gun away from him before.  I will not hesitate if I see my ex, to pull the trigger, because I know exactly what he's capable of, and he wouldn't have any problem killing me.

Although carrying is uncomfortable, and people start treating the shy chick with the gun weird, I bet if I had a badge, they wouldn't mind.  Despite police brutality, and the fact that I know of 2 people dying horribly in police custody... that badge makes it all okay.  It shouldn't, because they're just people too, good and bad.

It's so weird, because if it were in my purse, people would probably not care at all.  However, I don't carry a purse, because I use my hands too much.  And if people knew me, they would know why I'm carrying, and realize that they have nothing to fear from my gun... course they would also know I could kick some major ass without one too.  I swerve to avoid squirrels who run in front of my car.  It's not like I'm itching to kill something.  Sure I like shooting a target and honing my skills, but this is a tool. It's the same reason I carry a multitool... in case I need it... and well, if stalker guy shows up to harass me and my friend... that will probably make me very glad that I have it.  It should make stalkers and predators uncomfortable.  Then it's doing its job without ever being fired.