Pictures

This is going to be a difficult blog to write, because I've finally built up the courage to post a picture of the bastard.  It's really hard to even look at him and not just want to throw up.  However I took the advice of an officer friend of mine who suggested I ask for an additional patrol in my area, and they asked for a picture to help identify him.  So if I'm going to suck it up for that, I might as well suck it up for here too.  

William Thomas DeLoach, Jr. 

Registered Sex Offender

Birthday: June 14, 1967

Location: Elabell, GA

It's odd, because I glimpsed a photo of him when sending it to school to show Morgan's teachers, and he looks so different from when I knew him.  It's been 12 years after all and I certainly look different.  I was 23 when he and I started dating and he was 32, 9 years my senior.  When we married, I became his 4th wife.  None of the previous 2 lasted more than 8 months.  I held in there for a mighty 11 months, just because of sheer ability to tolerate BS.

At the time he was that tall, dark, handsome guy that worked the makeup counter at Belks in the Macon Mall, and when he chose me to date, other women were furiously jealous.  I say chose, but stalked is more like it. My friend at the time, Jerry, a girl, had recently broken up with my brother, and I was trying to help her get over it, so we went to Belks for a makeover to cheer her up.  This was new territory for me, not something I had ever done.  She specifically wanted to go to Belks for it because of the hot guy working the counter.  Well, I caught his eye, and unbeknownst to me, he put the alert out that if I walked back into Belks that they were to grab me and call him because he was smitten.  That's kind of what happened.  I walked in and a girl at the makeup counter told me all about how impressed this guy was with me, and dialed him up on the phone and handed it to me.  I was so embarrassed, and also engaged at the time which I told him.  Still I naively thought we could be friends, but he had other plans.

Looking back it's extremely creepy, that he started stalking me from the very beginning.  At the time everyone thought is was romantic and Kismet.  The jealous glares of other women who were infatuated with him, and I was the lucky girl who ended up with him. I certainly don't feel so lucky anymore... or at least not good luck.

This is the guy who charmed women constantly, was compared to actors from Stephen Seagal to Christian Bale, but apparently 12 years of prison has not been kind to him.  Maybe his outsides just started reflecting more of his inside, who knows.  After we were married, he told me he was the leader of a wiccan coven (before we were married he told me he was Catholic) and at times I wonder if it might have all been some kind of glamour.  I certainly felt like I was under a spell, but I think that was mostly being caught in his web of lies, and he was very unhappy that over time, I figured him out and could see through him.

William Thomas DeLoach, Jr. 

Registered Sex Offender

Birthday: June 14, 1967

Location: Elabell, GA

People think or say "How could you stay with someone like that?" and what they are really thinking is that the victim should have known.  No abuser comes up to you and says, "Hi I'd like to suck the life out of you".  In fact they are generally incredibly good at "getting the girl", because it's a role they inhabit, and not who they really are.  Once they feel they have you, in this case after marriage, the mask comes off, and you see who you really have.  Everything went so fast in the relationship, and I think that was part of why.  He was in a hurry to get me so he could drop the act.  

Three months after dating, he proposed to me and when he did, I hesitated.  Some red flags had started going up already, something I felt in my gut, as opposed to knowing in my head as I do now.  It seemed to fast, and I was inclined to say no.  Liam saw it on my face and it filled with rage.  At that moment I was bullied into saying yes.  NOs were not really options.  Every no I told him was overlooked or bulldozed over.  He didn't let up until I called people to tell them I was engaged.  All the while a stone in my stomach got heavier.  Meanwhile, he was the first man I'd ever had sex with, so I was being bulldozed into marriage on the religious front as well.  Mind you... I said no the first time as well, but he ended up making me feel so sorry for him, and that's how I lost my virginity.

This brings to mind another rant.  If you care about your daughters, truly care about them, you won't push them into life altering situations based on a religious status.  Jesus did not bully people into religion, he loved them, and he spent a heck of a lot more time with sinners than the stiff necked religious people. The laws were not to hurt people but to protect them from harmful situations. If you care about your daughters, as you should, you will want for them someone who will truly love and care for them, and you won't care so much about them having sex as much as you care about them as a person. Otherwise they are just property, and will feel like such. I felt so religiously weighed down that while I was pretty sure things were wrong, but there was no way I could talk to my parents about it, because they had certain hard rules, and I felt as railroaded by my family as I was by my fiancée.  

Although my brother was not a virgin groom, I was a girl and held to a double standard.  There was no such thing as divorce in our family either and when I wanted to leave, my parents kept pushing us back together, instead of trusting my judgement.  They were taken in as I was by Liam's martyrdom, and he could play the religious strings like the devil with a golden violin.  At the end of the day, they were manipulated too, but I was at ground zero screaming and no one could hear.  It wasn't until after the kidnapping, that others truly started taking the threat to me seriously.  And after surviving, I was subjected to a slew of should-haves from my brother.  I'd survived and done everything that I could in my power, a situation that a strong male couldn't fathom being put into, and condemned for not doing more... because obviously I didn't have enough on my plate.  Ever since, though I love my family, I've never felt like they would ever be on my side. By trying to force me into a religious mould, all they did was estrange me. I've become far more fond of faith and far less trusting of religion... after all Liam was a registered Baptist minister and would brag about how he could make an entire congregation cry.

William Thomas DeLoach, Jr. 

Registered Sex Offender

Birthday: June 14, 1967

Location: Elabell, GA

The thing is, that the horrors of the ex were not just one night.  That was the worst of it, sure, but it was a year and a half of ever increasing misery, isolation from others, twisting of reality, and constant devaluation.  Emotional abusers tear you up from the inside, leaving no evidence of their destruction.  Most people don't believe it, and they only see you reacting, and assume that you are the weak one, because you aren't putting on an act like the abuser.  They push you to your limits doing horrible things and when you finally blow up, you're the bad guy. In my case, he was projecting the crap he did to me, onto me in the telling, so I was not only being victimized by him but also villainized at the same time, and he was using it to feed off of and justify doing worse to me.

Now I've learned far more about emotional abuse and abusers.  I've taken to learning about why people are that way, and why they do the things they do.  I always had to understand why.  If knowledge is power, I'm more powerful now because of it, and if what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I've had enough near death scenarios to be pretty damn strong. Let's see how strong I really am now...

So here's the hard part.  I'm going to share photos of the asshat.  Okay, it's done, and I now feel ill... and usually I read back over the blog and edit some, but I just can't bring myself to do it today.  Not the looker that he once was.  Wonder if he'll still be making girls jealous.