Cash Flow versus Love

Sometimes it seems like the best thinking is done when the rest of your brain is in autopilot. This was another one of those times as I was driving to Atlanta to get my ankle x-rayed after twisting it post-break.

I started thinking about the concept of the emotional bank account and how similar the concepts of cash flow and love flow seem to be. Perhaps that is why so many confuse the two or substitute love for money.

Like with money, it seems to take love to produce love. The investments of your parents teach you how to manage love and affection. But if you have never been loved, or never had money then the concepts of managing and holding onto it are often foreign to that person. Or it could be that the rarity of such things produces a person that wants to horde it, producing jealousy or being stingy with the person they see as a source of love. This inevitably creates a situation where they smother or drive away the goose that lays the golden egg.

It gave me time to reconsider the concept of an emotional bank account, and I thought of how some people have good credit in your eyes because they have been reliable or charitable time and time again, as opposed to people who are just bad emotional investments. Then I started thinking about those people’s accounts of love. Perhaps their balance is so low, that every penny or small increment of love that they receive goes to supporting their basic needs (or in worst case their addictions), that they never have any to give back. They basically have the emotional equivalent of a money pit, where as soon as one need is met, another arises and they are always in the hole, working to fill their own needs that they can’t possibly look beyond those to others.

In a similar vein, it made me consider supply and demand on an emotional level. This seems to be how people express their love. They tend to give what they have an abundant supply of … time, money, advice … but that might not necessarily be what is in demand. Although they are giving, because it has no demand or market, it has no value. Only that which is in demand or truly needed is what has true value to the market i.e. the person that the supplier is trying to connect to through giving.

Like with money, there are some people that if you invest your time and energy into, they will take until you are just as bankrupt as them. There are others that if you invest in them, you will always see some sort of return on your investment. In a way, dealing with people can be akin to playing the stock market. You have to know when to get out and when to invest, and you never know if one day the market is going to crash and all that you have invested will be lost regardless. But like the market, all connections with people have an ebb and flow. Some are worth it. Some aren’t.

Perhaps this seems a callous way to examine relationships, but maybe to those who have a hard time grasping the concepts but are acquainted with financial concerns, can relate to it.

Ways to Ward off the One: Hygiene

So some of these things seem elementary, as though they need not be mentioned, but apparently... they do... anyone who has been to a convention, knows why I'm mentioning this.

Let's face it guys, you stink! It's called testosterone, and it's not your fault; however, flaunting your masculine aromas is probably not the way to entice a female to want to snuggle or even get within whiffing distance of you. So use some common sense, shower, use deodorant, don't wear the same pants a week straight (yeah, we notice), and wash your hands. Throwing your clothes in the dryer to make them smell better is not only a horrible waste of energy, but is not the same as clean.

With swine flu scares and HPV spreading like wildfire, simple things like washing your hands and watching your hygiene becomes even more important, but women may be even more wary as men could be wielding several potentially painful problems for her. Aside from pregnancy there is the threat of a urinary tract infection. Not washing your hands after using the restroom can spread HPV to anyone you greet by shaking their hand.

If you have had multiple partners and are lacking in personal hygiene, a smart girl sees someone who probably caught something. After all, if you are neglecting hygiene, what else are you neglecting in terms of sexual safety? Although short term connections may not care so much, that long term woman that you want to take home to mama, is probably counting you out because "I don't know where he's been". What you think makes you look like a stud, makes you look like nothing more than someone else's one night stand, to the woman seeking stable long term partnership.

Another thing that may be warding off some of the good ones that get away is tobacco. Spitting chewing tobacco or being kissed by a smoker are both things that are very unattractive to a lot of women. Yeah the woman smoking in the corner might go home with you, but she probably won't have your kids... and would you really want to have her smoke while pregnant with your children? If you do happen to have a woman who cares about the health of your future progeny, she will not take kindly to you smoking, even if you smoked when you met her. Kids change things, and each puff is a threat to the well being of your children.

Your poor hygiene may result in her pain, so your bad habits probably upset her because in a way they are a subconscious threat to her health and well being. In her mind she may be mapping out your potential future together and the possibility of you making her children sick as well. If she has a poor or weakened immune system to begin with, these bad habits pose a future of antibiotics and burning pain, which any woman with experience will probably avoid. So even if you think you are a nice guy, if you have bad hygiene you may not only repulse her, but be viewed as a potential threat.

There's no need to go to the extreme of metrosexual or any other such actions, but looking and smelling like a homeless person, does not make you someone that a woman really wants to take out on a date, much less keep around very long. If you want to have a happily ever after, try cleaning up your act!

Ways to Ward off the One: Cost Benefit Analysis

You come in for a lunch interview and sit across from a fellow interviewing you for a job. He tells you all the funny stories about the company, while glossing over the important details. From his charismatic presentation, he makes it sound like a fun place to work, but that's not why you would take a job. You have needs that this position is supposed to fill.

"So how much does it pay?" you ask.

He becomes surly as though you should be thankful for the honor to work for him, "it doesn't pay. You'll be expected to continue working to support yourself, and of course, the company."

"What is the job?" You ask skeptically, but in hope that maybe the position is still moving in the direction that you want to go with your life. He details how you will be expected to cook, clean, do the accounting, taxi, nurse him when he's sick, and put your life and health at risk to produce their product. You speak to other people who have worked for this company and they say how it sounded great until you started working for them and if you complained, they would retract all your benefits.

How likely would you be to take this job? Be honest, you probably would not want it.

Say you are looking at two houses. One is a fixer upper that will drain all your available resources, and the other is ready to live in, efficient, and takes care of itself. Which one would you choose?

The fact of the matter is, relationships are work on both sides. The work doesn't stop after you get the job, it starts after you get it and it requires constant maintenance. If you want to have a happy relationship, there has to be something in it for both of you. There has to be some sort of emotional compensation for the efforts contributing to the partnership that the two of you form. Relationships are an investment that both parties expect to see some return on and have a certain amount of protection. This is why marriage was originally considered a contract, but more on that later...