Linz004-That Time They Changed the Rules Because of Me

Linz003- That Time at the Lord of the Rings Oscar Party

Linz001- That One Time I Decided to Become a YouTuber

Beast

Time to Overthink... like I do... I went to see Beauty and the Beast and what really struck me was that Gaston is everything the prince would have become if the prince hadn't been turned into the beast. The Prince insisted on being surrounded by beauty, or as Gaston said, she's the most beautiful and that makes her the best. So I see this as almost a psychological separation of the same man in two parts. Beast has his beauty stripped from him and Gaston does not. The effects of how the world treats them both influences who they become. Gaston is constantly being fed narcissistic supply by everyone. Because of his charm and good looks people literally sing his praises and are willing to follow him to the point of tormenting an individual they don't know, sheerly because Gaston sways them against the Beast based on appearances. 

Both men are focused on Belle but Gaston's interest is purely superficial intending to bend Belle to fill a supporting role to him. Meanwhile though starting off bitter and angry from perceived slights, Beast changes. He is at his most beastly or narcissistic when he feels slighted in the beginning over something minor, a very narcissistic reaction. Anything that threatens a narcissists' ego can elicit an explosive response because it threatens his concept of superiority that he has built this fantasy of a superior self upon. 

However the Beast becomes more and more human as he  gets to know Belle, becoming more vulnerable, something a narcissist would not allow. For instance how the Beast sputters about Belle reading a romance early on, but later is reading a romantic story. True intimacy is terrifying to a narcissist, because it means surrendering control, which narcissists are adamant about maintaining to the point of manipulating people, bending reality, and rewriting history, though lacking personal self control. So as the Beast is still steeped in narcissism, the world is warped into an eternal winter freezing everyone around him, as narcissism is toxic to those around them. 

Eventually as the Beast becomes more open to others, more empathetic, they both compromise and build a relationship. What struck me as a win for the new Beauty and the Beast was when Belle said something to the effect of "can anyone be happy if they are not free". Narcissists can entangle you and if you try to leave, they will try to control you through others. The beast sets her free, a huge step, while Gaston still seeks to manipulate Belle into being his property. 

If the prince had stayed handsome with people stroking his ego, telling him he deserved Belle, he would have been Gaston. But the Beast's servants who don't listen to his unreasonable demands, unlike Gaston's followers, try to help the Beast empathize. Society has a lot of influence which is why narcissists work so hard to control it and perception. Without people enabling and feeding a narcissist, it's hard to prop up the fantasy. It takes the very thing they fear most, accountability, to make a real change.

I also note that Agatha, the enchantress, who is kind and saves Belle's father from Gaston, was maligned by both the Beast and Gaston in her lack luster state while showing the beauty of compassion and caring. This is because she had seen through Gaston and the Beast. The narcissist must turn people against anyone who has seen them without their mask and poses a threat, like Maurice. Belle too was not taken in by Gaston and thus he felt compelled to put her under his power. What cannot be controlled must be destroyed. Character assassination and slander are favorite weapons of the narcissist who wields social influence like a gun aimed at any who might call them out or worse, reveal their darkness to others. 

The real turning point was very symbolic to me. When the beast is holding Gaston by the neck, he has a choice. In that moment the Beast defies his Gaston nature to force his way, he's releasing that side himself, which then falls away like all bad habits, leaving the holes in himself left by the narcissism bare to the world. The self destructive part of him literally self destructs. In its absence, THAT's when Belle can love the Beast and the spell be broken, when all signs of the malignant narcissist the Beast could have become are gone. At that point he is reborn, a new creature, more mentally healthy and capable of an emotionally healthy relationship. The world around him thaws. And the people he had treated as objects to be used, now become humans, able to be themselves again, in this case literally.

Staying with the Beast was Belle's sacrifice and she was actively trying to escape the beast so long as he was acting like a beast. She was only swayed by his true kindness, something Gaston was incapable of... so while I see feminists protesting this tale because of Gaston's toxic masculinity, I'm actually thankful for it. It is a great metaphor for conquering an internal beast.

Another post mentioned how Gaston is terrifying because everyone knows a Gaston, male and female. The real nemesis of the story to me is malignant narcissism, because the only one who can cure a narcissist is themselves. Therapy won't help, they have to be honest with themselves and their therapist, but are too busy spinning tales and manipulating like they always do. Sadly they enjoy their personality disorder and lack the empathy to truly care about those they hurt so long as they have a steady supply of admirers feeding their egos and pursuing their threats for them. 

While a narcissist longs for love, they are their own worst enemies in finding it, unable to empathize, compromise, or even hear when they hurt someone. Narcissists have a quality they think makes them entitled to special treatment and society is all too happy to oblige when it is beauty. To me this is a tale of what happens when a narcissist is stripped of that attribute they think makes them special, and Gaston serves as a reminder of what the prince could have become. Perhaps he would have become more like Humperdink in the Princess Bride, sewn Belle and forced her to be his unhappy bride for the crime of being beautiful. She would might have been forced into fitting a role she was neither suited for nor inclined toward through the royal guards and other terrified flying monkeys crushing her soul, her spirit, and no longer able to invent, but to serve until someone more beautiful came along and she was replaced. 

Sadly that is not a fairytale but reality for many women entangled with a narcissist, considering narcissism, while not exclusive to males, is more prevalent and socially acceptable. I believe there is indeed a lesson here and told better in this rendition than the first.

Neverland

People have a lot of misconceptions about narcissism and tend to think that it's the same as vanity. Although that can coexist with narcissism, it can be any quality that a person thinks makes them entitled to special treatment. Although I've seen many a supposed beauty who could measure their narcissism in selfies/hr, I have seen many narcissists who think their intelligence entitles them to special treatment and the world should just bow to them. They live to be told how brilliant they are while other people do the work. I have even seen narcissistic mothers who live to be told what a wonderful mother they are or how special their children are.

Narcissism's main indicator is a need for narcissistic supply, to have their specialness constantly reinforced by others to attain an illusion of superiority. That feeling of superiority then creates a sense of entitlement and a lack of empathy for others. But there's one source of narcissism that doesn't get talked about. It's the kind that creates the Brock Turners of the world... and that the sheer fact that they are a man.

Unfortunately there are plenty of world religions providing this narcissistic supply, saying men are made in God's image and women are to serve men. The result is it churns out narcissistic males who feel entitled to sex, entitled to women, entitled to special treatment for being male, and a lack of empathy for women which explains why the medical profession takes women's pain, issues, and concerns so lightly. It's why we have a double standard and women's emotions and suffering are treated so unempathetically. But while other forms of narcissism may fade like beauty, intelligence might lessen with aging mental capacity, and a narcissist (who themselves are the only people who can cure a narcissist) might take new stock at their life and reform, a man will always be a man and there will always be an endless supply of rhetoric and a network of enablers and womanizers feeding that narcissistic supply through religion, media, and judges offering lighter sentences for violent crimes against women.

While not all men are narcissistic, there is a structure in place that has created an epidemic of narcissistic men who feel more entitled than ever to sex and women. The media encourages it. Being a womanizer is met with fist bumps for exploiting women while being a responsible mate is regarded as being "whipped". Peter Pan complex (which is the same as narcissism) has created a generation of man-children who never want to grow up. They want their codependent Wendy playing mom and taking care of things while they have their Tinkerbell mistresses. 

Narcissism is a serious disorder that destroys one's capacity for making meaningful relationships. It can compound other disorders and make them even more destructive. But therapy doesn't often work for narcissists because they often enjoy it and just manipulate therapists instead of dealing with their issues, because that would mean admitting they aren't as awesome as they think they are and they tend to withdraw or quit in situations where they don't have control or narcissistic supply. Emotional vulnerability, self awareness, compassion, and nurturing are all weaknesses to a narcissist, or in other words, considered "unmanly" and qualities they exploit in they're victims i.e. Women. Instead they collect their jars of hearts and continue being Lost Boys. 

The problem is they have created a Neverland here full of double standards, male privilege, and lamentations of women where women are blamed when men make bad choices and can be hurt without empathy using phrases like "20 minutes of action", as they destroy a woman's life. We need more men like the two who had empathy that pulled Brock Turner off his victim. So please don't feed the narcissists. It's like feeding bears. They stop searching for healthy relationships and start expecting others to give them things or go through the garbage until they become a nuisance to everyone. Hold them accountable and stop using phrases like "boys will be boys". You are perpetuating male entitlement which leads to worse things. It's more than just teaching consent and empathy. If you tell boys they are special for being boys, they become entitled and lack the empathy to respect consent. 

If anyone should be entitled to anything, it is respect, and that is earned by giving it, by acting responsibly, through caring and self discipline. Entitlements are just excuses for people to act like overgrown 3 year olds. Respect has to be earned, but its foundation is stronger and not as fragile as a narcissistic ego that needs supply. It's unshakable as it is strengthened every day in action through strong character. That's what makes a man instead of a Lost Boy.

Neverland

People have a lot of misconceptions about narcissism and tend to think that it's the same as vanity. Although that can coexist with narcissism, it can be any quality that a person thinks makes them entitled to special treatment. Although I've seen many a supposed beauty who could measure their narcissism in selfies/hr, I have seen many narcissists who think their intelligence entitles them to special treatment and the world should just bow to them. They live to be told how brilliant they are while other people do the work. I have even seen narcissistic mothers who live to be told what a wonderful mother they are or how special their children are.

Narcissism's main indicator is a need for narcissistic supply, to have their specialness constantly reinforced by others to attain an illusion of superiority. That feeling of superiority then creates a sense of entitlement and a lack of empathy for others. But there's one source of narcissism that doesn't get talked about. It's the kind that creates the Brock Turners of the world... and that the sheer fact that they are a man.

Unfortunately there are plenty of world religions providing this narcissistic supply, saying men are made in God's image and women are to serve men. The result is it churns out narcissistic males who feel entitled to sex, entitled to women, entitled to special treatment for being male, and a lack of empathy for women which explains why the medical profession takes women's pain, issues, and concerns so lightly. It's why we have a double standard and women's emotions and suffering are treated so unempathetically. But while other forms of narcissism may fade like beauty, intelligence might lessen with aging mental capacity, and a narcissist (who themselves are the only people who can cure a narcissist) might take new stock at their life and reform, a man will always be a man and there will always be an endless supply of rhetoric and a network of enablers and womanizers feeding that narcissistic supply through religion, media, and judges offering lighter sentences for violent crimes against women.

While not all men are narcissistic, there is a structure in place that has created an epidemic of narcissistic men who feel more entitled than ever to sex and women. The media encourages it. Being a womanizer is met with fist bumps for exploiting women while being a responsible mate is regarded as being "whipped". Peter Pan complex (which is the same as narcissism) has created a generation of man-children who never want to grow up. They want their codependent Wendy playing mom and taking care of things while they have their Tinkerbell mistresses. 

Narcissism is a serious disorder that destroys one's capacity for making meaningful relationships. It can compound other disorders and make them even more destructive. But therapy doesn't often work for narcissists because they often enjoy it and just manipulate therapists instead of dealing with their issues, because that would mean admitting they aren't as awesome as they think they are and they tend to withdraw or quit in situations where they don't have control or narcissistic supply. Emotional vulnerability, self awareness, compassion, and nurturing are all weaknesses to a narcissist, or in other words, considered "unmanly" and qualities they exploit in they're victims i.e. Women. Instead they collect their jars of hearts and continue being Lost Boys. 

The problem is they have created a Neverland here full of double standards, male privilege, and lamentations of women where women are blamed when men make bad choices and can be hurt without empathy using phrases like "20 minutes of action", as they destroy a woman's life. We need more men like the two who had empathy that pulled Brock Turner off his victim. So please don't feed the narcissists. It's like feeding bears. They stop searching for healthy relationships and start expecting others to give them things or go through the garbage until they become a nuisance to everyone. Hold them accountable and stop using phrases like "boys will be boys". You are perpetuating male entitlement which leads to worse things. It's more than just teaching consent and empathy. If you tell boys they are special for being boys, they become entitled and lack the empathy to respect consent. 

If anyone should be entitled to anything, it is respect and that is earned by giving it, by acting responsibly, through caring and self discipline. Entitlements are just excuses for people to act like overgrown 3 year olds. Respect has to be earned, but its foundation is stronger and not as fragile as a narcissistic ego that needs supply. It's unshakable as it is strengthened every day in action through strong character. That's what makes a man instead of a Lost Boy.

Is It the Way He Walks...

The song goes, "Is it the way he walks? Oh no that's not the way," however I think that there actually is a red flag there that is a predictor for emotionally unavailable men.  While I haven't done extensive amounts of dating, the majority of those I have dated were narcissist, psychopaths, or other brands of emotionally unavailable. I'm codependent, and like moths to a flame, I attract the dark triad, but I also am wise to them, which they find terribly upsetting. I'm good at deciphering patterns and I've noticed one in the emotionally unavailable men that I've known. It really is in the way they walk. 

An alpha male protects the herd. He doesn't prey on it.

In a ways it has a lot to do with herd mentality. I'm a protector, a nurturer, a caregiver, so when I am in a group, I tend to walk at the back of the group. This way I can keep an eye on everyone in front of me and be there if they need help. I started doing this while horseback riding on trails, because the trail leader could not see everyone and I was often as much or more experienced than the guide. Occasionally I have been known to jump off my horses and pull a rock out of a hoof, or pull off a loose shoe that the trail leader would have been oblivious to, being in the front. It truly is the guardian position.  It's also the most vulnerable position in a herd, as those who linger behind the pack are often picked off by predators. The sick and the weak can't keep up with the herd.  To leave one behind is to leave them to die, to not care for them anymore. This is why the stallion in a herd of horses takes up the rear most position. He leads from the rear, where he can safeguard the whole herd and not lose anyone because as alpha male, his job is not to lord over everyone and be served, but to serve and protect. Being the most likely to be targeted by a predator, as well as the strongest of the herd, the stallion is the most likely to be successful in fighting off a predator and defending the herd. He makes himself vulnerable to attack because he is strong and confident, having won the position of alpha in many duels with other stallions. Meanwhile emotionally unavailable men are immensely afraid of being vulnerable.

The emotionally unavailable man does the opposite. They avoid the vulnerable position in many ways, but also in walking together. The day after I married my first husband, the psychopath, I found him walking off in front of me, rarely stopping for me to keep up or even looking back to see where I was. All he was thinking of was himself, charging forward with no regard for companions. This has been a consistent behavior among every abusive boyfriend I've had. Sometimes they'll stop and wait up, knowing that this is wrong, catching themselves, but by their very nature, their first impulse is to move forward regardless of the herd. It's about them and their needs, which is consistent with several malevolent personality disorders.

As an example, I had broken my leg and was on crutches as I hobbled into the building to have surgery on my ankle. My husband would not slow down, and in trying to keep up, I ended up falling and breaking my leg worse, which earned an irritated and bewildered look, but no acknowledgement of his own need to be aware of others. When we went to Disney, I paid for the trip, had all the money and provisions in a backpack, but my husband again would dart off leaving me behind almost like I was supposed to chase him, leaving me to weave in and out of crowds that swallowed up the path in his wake. Even after I told him about it, he continued to do it. It was just in his nature. 

Meanwhile, I know another alpha male that he leads from behind. I know several men who are extremely jealous of him, because women throw themselves at him. If you are falling behind, he puts his hand in the small of the woman's back to keep her with him and safe. The protector of the herd... and women flock to it, because he has the herd mentality. He thinks of the groups as we, instead of only thinking of himself.

Recently a friend wanted to see what I thought of a man she was interested in, and when he walked ahead of us, it bothered me. He stopped and looked back, and there was something just wrong about that simple little action. It turned out that he was also emotionally unavailable and suddenly I started to piece together why that bothered me. I'd seen it before, time and time again. So if you really want to know if he loves you so... it's not in his kiss. It's in his walk. Can your significant other walk the walk or are they leaving you behind in more ways than one?