Broken Nose

Riding at the Ranch in Montana.

One of the things that I am very self conscious of is my nose. It's been broken so many times that the bone that should keep it straight isn't even connected anymore.  I'm sure I have a deviated septum, and wish that I could get it fixed, but I have to say it holds a lot of stories.

How does one break their nose that often? You may ask. Well, although my present sedentary figure does not convey it, I was once very active and pursued life with a passion. I wanted to live it to its fullest. Although I was arguably sheltered in many ways, I also had experiences that others did not, and in my youth I was enamored with the West and being a cowgirl. This was largely in part because my grandfather had been an actual cowboy (also architect and WWII bomber pilot) and I spent my Summers in Montana adventuring on his 300 acre ranch.

However growing up, I had a knack for surviving extreme circumstances without a scratch, while getting wounded in the most embarrassing of circumstances. To this day, stairs are my number one enemy. In one such case after winning a fencing match with a friend, I was changing in the bathroom and taking off my shirt broke off the metal hook to han it on, which gouged my arm.  This is not the exciting story of a fencing wound, but my general clutzy bad luck.  I also have a katana scar in my leg... from my own sharp katana... I was doing forms with a live blade next to someone who wasn't watching, so when I tried to add a step to the side to avoid his blade... well... you get the gist.

One of the main reasons for the broken nose is that I decided to teach my horse how to kiss.  I did this by holding a carrot in my mouth, and normally she would put her soft muzzle to my lips for a "kiss". I asked for kisses before feeding her, and on some days well, she was more demanding than others. At times she would open her lips and I would get a real kiss from chin to forehead in horse slobber.  But a couple times I just got whopped in the face real hard. This was by far an anomaly and not a frequent

A Summer day, my friends and I were headed to the river.

occurrence.

The incident that probably did the most damage was a quite embarrassing car accident in my Jeep CJ7.  I was driving down a washboard dirt road, when the Jeep began to bounce.  One of the things about Jeeps is that they have truck shocks, but they aren't actually heavy enough for them.  So the vibrations of the road made the Jeep bounce up and down. Two things happened. The seatbelt clinched tight prepared for an accident, which although just about knocked the air out of me, would have been one thing, but the metal latch holding the seat in place was rusted. So when the seat belt clinched tight, it pulled the seat back as far as it would go, which pulled me away from all the vehicle's controls. Pedals, stick, and steering wheel were all out of reach.  As I attempted to unfasten the seatbelt and regain control of the vehicle, the bouncing broke the ties holding down the soft top, which in the bounce flipped over the roll bar, landing the metal framing firmly on the bridge of my nose and covering me in the soft top.

So there I was helplessly bouncing off the road next to my old church into the Kudzu.  I was so mad when the vehicle stopped that I got out cussing and just wrenched my nose back in place. I noticed as I stumbled over something that there were lots of car parts in the Kudzu, which left me to speculate that I probably wasn't the only person to have such an experience on that road. That was a bad day. While I was at the hospital some people looted my car, before the tow truck got there, stealing my radio and even my car battery.  However that is not the most badass of the broken nose tales.

By college, I was pretty used to breaking my nose.  It was just part and parcel of the lifestyle I'd had, and I accounted it as collateral for experience. Although the next story is by far the most unbelievable, it also has the most witnesses since it happened at a fencing tournament. Although I got no medals or awards at the tournament, what I did is well remembered.

Honestly my heart was not in the tournament that day, and I was not fencing my best. I just wanted to quit, so when I was fencing this one fellow, higher rated than I, my heart just wasn't in it. Funny how you remember little details. When the incident occurred, I had 1 point when he scored his 7th.  We were fencing Epee. His point caught a dent in my mask and the force of the blade caught my mask, spinning it and breaking my nose. The director called a halt as I pulled off the mask, holding my nose. He asked if I was okay when the battle computer switched on in my head. Now it was personal and there was no way in hell that I was going to lose this bout. Taking my nose and jerking it back into place, I told the director flatly, "happens all the time," as I put my mask back on and took my guard position.

The director looked a little unsure, but carried on.  I went from losing with 1 point to his 7, to winning 14 to 7. He didn't score another point, and later was heard telling his coach that he never saw anything in between. The director said fence, and then I hit him and it was over.  Bouts last to 15 points though and I had one more point to win. That's when the epic happened. Woe be to those who oppose me when I apply my will.

As my opponent attacked and I retreated, I began to trip backwards and my brain went into over time as time seemed to slow down.  There was no way I was going to fall on my butt, no way that I was going to let this person win. So, although I had never done one before OR since, I used the momentum of the fall and the pull of the reel and pushed upwards instead, doing a back flip. It was not just a backflip, but a backflip into a split.  I saw opponent, sky, floor, opponent, and stuck out my blade.  When I landed, I was in a full split with my opponent bent over me, balanced on the end of my blade. I had my left hand down to make sure that my left knee was not touching the ground, which would have been illegal. Then as my opponent withdrew, I popped up like it was nothing.

The director asked me what happened, and I told him that I did not know. He asked if I could do that again and I told him that I had no idea what I just did.  Although I could have gotten a red card for fencing off balance or turning my back on my opponent, they decided to throw the point out, which meant that I had not won. My opponent got one more point on me before I got the winning touch, but I won 15 to 8, and although there were no accolades for that one match, they ended up changing some rules because of me. I have a story that's lasted longer than most in those circles and have had other people tell me my own story only to be informed that it was me afterward. Perhaps it's no great accomplishment, and perhaps if I had meant to do it, it might be something to be proud of, but at least my broken nose has one interesting story behind it.

Although I still wish I could fix my broken nose, or wish that it weren't so pointy, or maybe that it was a little smaller, I like to think it gives me character, and characters have history.