Belting Up

I received my new red belt the other day (since there's no way I'm getting the old one round my waist) and wore it for the first time tonight to class. It's a bit awkward since I'm so rusty and not being 18 anymore, but I'm working my way back. My body isn't what it once was, and there are some embarrassing things that happen post child-bearing that I now have to contend with that I didn't before.

It's weird being acknowledged as a red belt now, even though I earned it previously and have been assured that I have the skills there if unrefined. Now there's an expectation, and I have to work on my headspace. Seriously ... being in public is hard for me. Talking to people is hard for me, even ... especially people that I really really like. Which I think we have some amazing people at the school we attend, and they were a big factor in us choosing that school. It's just one more thing in a list of things that I have to work on, and in some ways it gets easier and harder at the same time.

I'm still working on my control in sparring. I keep wanting to do things that might be effective in a real fight (or possibly get me killed), but are not what we are working on. I find myself wanting to catch kicks and break legs, or throw people over my hip, which I came close to doing with Trenton tonight. Ah how grappling has changed my perception of martial arts, where my main goal was to get someone on the floor. That's not what we're doing though, and it's been so long since I did those locks. Trenton and I were joking that I fight "Wombat Style" since most forms are based off watching animals fight and using their styles. 

   

I freaked out a little the other night when I would tag one opponent and he wouldn't stop, which made me feel threatened and pulled out some interesting stuff, but it also rattled me. I did a stupid move and apparently sprained my thumb, which has made life more complicated. The thumb will heal quickly, even if I've had enough with resting it. The psyche takes more time to recover.

Apparently my subconscious was having a field day with the anxiety. Last night I had a dream where my instructor said that I was moving up to the next level, so he took me and the other higher belts to a balcony that looked over a 2 story drop. There was a pillar that stopped half way (a one story drop) up and we were supposed to do a back flip onto the top of the pillar, which the instructor demonstrated and expected me to do. I've done back flips off diving boards into pools or on trampolines (with limited success - the only exception being the spontaneous one mid fencing bout), but ... uh... and I woke up before I had to do the flip, but apparently I was going to try, do or die. 

I love Trenton's reaction of, "Don't do that", his usual response to things that are pretty much unavoidable, like my weird subconscious. Ah well, at least I don't have to wake up at 4am, run up a mountain, and then crawl back down on my hands and feet, like the Shaolin Monks. Maybe if I did, I could do a back flip onto a pillar though. I'll stick with getting back into the groove of gym + racquetball + Karate. The fever/sick I had last weekend knocked me down for a while, and I have to be careful it doesn't turn into an infection, which I think I'm fighting off because I've been dizzy and short of breath. If I don't rest, I WILL get sick again and not get well, but resting is maddening. Way too much experience with that and my crappy immune system. 

I've been sanitizing the house in hopes of warding off any more interruptions in the new schedule. Hopefully Monday it will be back to the gym for my 2 hours of cardio/weights/yoga and possibly racquetball. Going to have to get to watching the videos for Karate and practicing them on a regular basis, because even remembering things is harder than at 18. It's a challenge, but isn't everything that's worth fighting for? It is nice doing it with my whole family, even if it's weird fighting my husband... perhaps because I've seen him mad. I don't care if I've got a black belt and he's still a white belt, I would not want to get in a fight with him. Just trust me on this. He's a mostly a good guy... okay he's alright (Malcolm Reynolds Reference) ... but I would not want to be on his bad side.