Southern Gentleman, a Dying Breed

This morning, I was thinking that I have met very few "Southern Gentlemen" (they are still out there). I've met gentlemen. I've met Southerners, being in the South, but the Southern Gentleman, which at one point was a defining point of the South, seems a dying breed.

I've met many a redneck trying to pass themselves off as a Southern Gentlemen, but were only truly respectful when they thought it would get them what they wanted. It's a lot like Cartman on South Park, sweet talking his mom when he wanted something, being a horrible person the rest of the time. To them it is all an act, often to get in someone's pants, that fades quickly once they get what they want. Soon they devolve into seriously crude and often very misogynistic individuals, seemingly ticked to have been "forced to act a certain way" though they chose to play a part that was a lie.

There is a big difference between someone who actually has respect and those who feign it for short term social gain. Those who have respect inside them demonstrate that respect as an outward projection of their inner selves. Those who feign for gain, can't wait to drop the mask and cannot grasp actual respect, because they see it as a performance instead of a core part of their own being. Many may delude themselves into thinking they have respect, but the truth always shows itself in little unconscious ways and passive power plays. All of which are the antithesis of what a true Southern Gentleman is supposed to be. In fact, Robert E. Lee, who epitomizes much of what we consider the classic Southern Gentleman , defines it as someone who restrains them-self with self control and respect for others, especially when in a position of power. It is a cruel corruption of its original intent to use it as a means for manipulation.

Definition of a Gentleman
Robert. Edward Lee

The forbearing use of power does not only form a touchstone, but the manner in which an individual enjoys certain advantages over others is a test of a true gentleman.

The power which the strong have over the weak, the employer over the employed, the educated over the unlettered, the experienced over the confiding, even the clever over the silly--the forbearing or inoffensive use of all this power or authority, or a total abstinence from it when the case admits it, will show the gentleman in a plain light

The gentleman does not needlessly and unnecessarily remind an offender of a wrong he may have committed against him. He cannot only forgive, he can forget; and he strives for that nobleness of self and mildness of character which impart sufficient strength to let the past be but the past. A true man of honor feels humbled himself when he cannot help humbling others.

Though Lee was far from perfect (we're all human), and a byproduct of his own day, it is not a reason to throw out all the wisdom that the man possessed. He had many powerful points that still hold true today, while the ones that don't are fairly obvious.

Today we have a culture that thinks only of the venire. Somehow putting on a suit and tie, while brandishing a huge ego that deigns to open a door now and again, is what passes for the modern definition of gentleman, Southern or not. But a gentleman is a noble heart first and foremost, possessed of humility and strength of character. This is something that is developed through work on one's self, and much harder to achieve than fancy clothes and an act. At the core of the matter, this is why true gentleman are so rare these days. Few want to tackle the self discipline it takes to become a man of honor instead of ego. But when you find one, you will not recognize a gentleman by how they look or how they speak. It will be evident in the consistent demonstration of integrity, character, and self restraint. The world needs more of them.