Double Standards

I hate double standards.  They are one of the most used tools in the abuser's bag of tricks. Double standards begin early. I remember being told "You can't do that, you're a girl" by my brother and his friends.  The moment that someone says something of the kind that denies you certain rights or action based on gender, race, religion, or political affiliation, you've hit a double standard.


Wikipedia:

"A double standard is the application of different sets of principles for similar situations, or by two different people in the same situation.[1] A double standard may take the form of an instance in which certain concepts (often, for example, a word, phrase, social norm, or rule) are perceived as acceptable to be applied by one group of people, but are considered unacceptable—taboo—when applied by another group.

The concept of a double standard has long been applied (as early as 1872) to the fact that different moral structures are often applied to men and women in society.[2][3]

A double standard can therefore be described as a biased or morally unfair application of the principle that all are equal in their freedoms. Such double standards are seen as unjustified because they violate a basic maxim of modern legal jurisprudence: that all parties should stand equal before the law. Double standards also violate the principle of justice known as impartiality, which is based on the assumption that the same standards should be applied to all people, without regard to subjective bias or favoritism based on social class, rank, ethnicity, gender, religion, sexual orientation, age or other distinctions. A double standard violates this principle by holding different people accountable according to different standards. The phrase "life is not fair" may be invoked in order to mollify concerns over double standards."


All my life I've run into double standards.  Most of them were because I was female, but I'm also white and a Christian, although a weird breed of it. I've had many pagans apply double standards to me, because they were bitter ex-Christians.  The core of double standards is a feeling of superiority over another group and therefore the person setting a double standard feels exempt from holding to the same rules that they established for the victim of the double standard. You've probably heard "What's good for the goose, is good for the gander", is an old saying alluding to gender double standards.  As I said, double standards are everywhere from home to politics, especially now.

For instance ... If it is racist for a white person to vote for a white person, then by the same logic it's racist for a black person to vote for a black person.  To vote for someone on the color of their skin whether for or against is wrong. It should be based on their performance, just like for any job. To not lose a job because of bad performance based on the color of their skin is just as racist.  At the end of the day, it should not be any form of issue, and the moment that someone makes it an issue, it's because they are hiding something, often in themselves.  Like anything else, it's not what someone says or is that defines them... it's what they do.

When I had an office in Forsyth, Ga a new officer, who happened to be white, was hired to come in and  to clean up the operation.  Based on the performance and the downright dirty dealings of the cops under him, he started firing people as was his right, and what he was hired to do. However the ones he fired happened to be black.  Therefore he was immediately labeled a racist, which damaged him and his efforts to clean things up.  Had he fired a white dirty cop, he would have been fine.  Regardless of the records of those who had been fired, labeling him a racist was a way to justify contempt, and sully his efforts.

At the same time, I knew a girl who worked with an ex-boyfriend.  She was black, and in general a sweetheart.  However when someone came in and was rude to her, she instantly assumed it was because they were a racist, regardless of the fact that they were rude to all the white staff as well. The person was just rude universally, however she took more offense than the white staff who were equally mistreated. It was justification for her rage and allowed her to feel singled out, regardless of the reality of the situation.  It was her own perceptions and persecution complex, which was completely separate from the reality of events.  Simply an outward expression of her own coloring of the situation by her own prejudices.

A member of my family had a job with a high black population in Middle Georgia.  It was a large company and there he was subject to "reverse racism" that continually hurt his career.  Though he had the skills, the intelligence, and jumped through every hoop, he was endlessly looked over for promotions, swallowing a lot of emotional abuse. He just mentioned one day that he felt like he was being discriminated against because he was white.  This was met with wide-eyed fear and a warning never to say that again. It was an ugly truth at this location, but any who dared voice it were met with harsh consequences in a double standard of whites tolerating blacks, but the reverse was forbidden from thought, much less doing something about it.  These kinds of situations are not reverse racism... they are racism. It's the same thing with a more politically correct banner.  It is not equality, it's pushing down those they felt pushed them down, and slapping guilt on every white person for a past that they never personally experienced.  In fact my ancestors were white and paid passage to America, when the ship captain decided he could get even more money by selling them all as slaves.  So guess what? My ancestors were in the same boat, even though they arrived on a different one.  It's the same old sympathy competition that is just a cover for entitlement.  The mentality thinks that because of this woe they have a right to more than what they have earned.  That's the core of entitlement, and entitlement leads to destructive personality disorders.

On the Christian front, I was often told by pagans that I was judgmental for not being into what they were doing, but at the same time if I made any human errors, they judged me harshly, because I was supposed to be Christian.  So I had much higher standards to live up to while they pretty much did as they pleased and wanted no one to say anything, including when they were hurting people. I've had pagan friends who were not like this, but it has happened more than once.  Some things are just universally wrong and destructive... and double standards are part of that, proven in the psychological damage of its innate unfairness. It's a way for a group to feel superior and subjugate another.  Just look at anyone in a position of power or authority that abuses it: preachers having affairs, employers who criticize but aren't allowed to be criticized, teachers who pick on one student as a scapegoat, ... it's everywhere.


So as you go through your week, perhaps examine your own intentions as well as others.  Is it more on who someone is or what they are.  People have a right to be different and still have access to all their rights, no matter how much you may disagree with them, so long as they aren't hurting someone else in the process.  At the same time, what someone is, does not excuse behavior that you would not tolerate in other circumstances. It does not excuse abusive behavior, abuse of power, or give them special privileges. Even Jesus said to be innocent as a dove and wise as a snake.  Try to be wise to the snakes around you, trying to wrap you in a double standard.


- When told by a female colleague about how a girl can pick the right guy, she said . . . "When it comes to men who are romantically interested in you, it's really simple. Just ignore everything they say and only pay attention to what they do."

Chapter 37: Watch What They Do, Not What They Say, p. 146 

 The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch

Watch a great video that nails double standards between men and women.