Hope

Hope. It's a word filled with warmth, the warmth of the first rays of sunshine that whisper that today is a new day. It's a short word with a lot of gravity. Hope is the carrot that keeps us moving forward on a daily basis. But to the abused it's the shovel digging the hole we are stuck within.

"Today he was nice to me. Maybe he's changing? Maybe he'll once again be the man I fell in love with?"

Every little glimmer of hope is treasured like a drop of water in a desert. It keeps us staying in situations that we should probably change.

"Maybe this year I'll get that raise and be able to pay off those credit cards."

Hope ties us to people and situations with tiny improvements that keep us from seeking out something that is ten times better from the start. It wastes years of our lives on people that don't appreciate us or even like us, and if we are honest, we don't like who they've become and are still waiting for that first person, the part they played to reemerge. It keeps us in jobs that don't use our skills. We spend our lives hoping and waiting for days to come when we can finally do what we really want to do, and embrace something with purpose and substance.

I think there's a reason behind the quote "faith, hope, and love, but the greatest of these is love." Because without love, the other 2 are empty and entrenching. You can have all the faith in the world, all the hope for a better life, but if there isn't love, you're stuck. And not some ancient impression of love, the first flutters of infatuation, but real enduring love. Like loving a job because it makes an impact, it fills your life with so much meaning that you work extra not because you have to, but because you want to and you don't even notice the extra effort. Or love in a relationship where you are an active team supporting each other to be the best you can be, where every joy is doubled and every sorrow halved just because they are there.

We spend a lot of time waiting and hoping for love like that. Perhaps we are actually loving that way, but without a proper receptor it doesn't stick and is just sucked into a void. You find yourself more alone with someone than being actually alone.

Hope is a double edged sword. It's an investment in someone, or some part of your life to spend your energy trying to achieve something, but there will always be good investments and bad investments. Some people are money pits that you can dump all the hope, faith, and love you have into, and they will never show a return. Some will return your investment 10 fold. Some are inert walls that you will just end up beating your head against. And some will steal all you have and leave you empty.

Life is a gamble and it's that hope of hitting the jackpot that keeps us feeding quarters and pulling the lever, when our energies would be better applied elsewhere. Sometimes you just have to take what little winnings you have and walk away. Leave hope at the bar, and start looking at things as they are.