You can't bypass a key component and expect good results...

So this has been weighing on my mind to be written, and usually when it does, it means that there's someone who needs to hear it. Throughout my life, I've encountered men who think that women are brood mares. They want the sex and the kids, and to skip loving the bearer of these burdens. They simply expect her to do it as her purpose. Let's get this straight, for a woman, that means sacrificing not only her time, but her body, and often a huge impact on every aspect of her life to become pregnant, give birth, and raise a child... and as almost happened to me, possibly end that life completely. My ex was probably the most extreme of this case. He called me "the dirt to plant his seed in". I was disposable, to be used and cast aside.

Honestly this is a very ancient mindset, where men told their wives to "lay back and think of England". It was simply a duty, a duty that they weren't allowed to enjoy. Even further back, the wedding ring was a symbol of the chain they would tie the woman to the tent with and wait for Stockholm syndrome to set in. So we've come a long way from being simply property to being treated like people for the most part. But there's an area where the barbarian still reigns.

However when it comes to biology and psychology, this is the worst approach for a man's end goal. Even if this is all the man really wants out of the relationship, if he wants children, then it is sincerely in his best interest to love the woman and to make sure she feels loved beyond just her wanting to have sex with someone because she loves him.

Oxytocin is an amazing hormone. It is called "the bonding hormone" and is often released after childbirth to encourage bonding between mother and child. But it is also released when hugging, kissing, and cuddling. It not only helps in bonding, but healing wounds, social anxiety, generosity, and stress relief. In addition, it helps with diet and weight loss. So if you are complaining about your wife gaining weight. There really is a simple solution to help her. Love her! http://io9.com/…/10-reasons-why-oxytocin-is-the-most-amazin…

In addition, I was watching a documentary on the science of sexual attraction, and it was telling how if a woman has sex with 2 men and one she loves and the other she doesn't, that her body will fight off the sperm from the one she doesn't love. So if she loves you, she's more likely to have your child... and well, less likely to cheat.

The most compelling evidence though came when I was researching something pertinent to my own life. In my previous marriage to the psychopath, before he kidnapped and raped me repeatedly when I tried to leave, I'd been with him for almost a year, and for months was forced to have sex whether I wanted to or not. Sometimes I was fast asleep when he'd roll me over and have his way with me after looking at porn. Not to mention often being forced to do things I'd specifically stated I did not like. I did my "duty" but it's effects were damaging me long before the coup de grace...

Marital rape has certain consequences and one of those is that any children procreated this way, the woman tends to be less involved with and more or less indifferent towards. Men who are indifferent about the woman having their children, can at times also believe that they are not the ones responsible for their care, but they've also shot themselves in the foot. There's no healthy result for this kind of environment. This does not lead to the envisioned family the man thought he was making.

Even if marital rape is not involved, people break in very specific and predictable ways. A woman devoid of her emotional needs will seek elsewhere to have those filled. Some may stray and cheat. Others may lean on their kids to get that love out of them. When this is pervasive and the parent (this can go for both sexes) is over-involved with their child, it is referred to as "emotional incest" and creates children who are Brat Princes or Princesses, confused about their place in the family. This super-mom or spoiler is also not good for a child. It upsets the balance that produces healthy, happy children.

GIGO is a term often used in computers that means "Garbage In, Garbage Out". Put simply it means, you get out of something what you put into it. And if you treat your woman like garbage, then you can't expect to get a happy family out of her. It baffles me how people who are adept at GIGO in their jobs, don't seem to get it in their families. Often they expect to be the one getting instead of giving, but if you are into the idea that as the man, you are the head of the family, then you are also the one that is the most responsible for it. If you really want a solid family, you cannot skip the step of loving your wife, specifically in a way that makes her feel loved, not just the way you want to love her.

This all seems like basic common sense, but I have been surrounded by men all my life who think that their place is to be served, when actually they should be serving. And as they serve more, they will see a return on their service, in the ways they wanted to receive all along.

Love really is the answer. Not jealous possession, not obsession, not the other things that pass for it, but actually real Love. Let that be your agenda, and all the other things you want, will come.