The importance of NO

Part of what's wrong with the world is people respect those who don't take NO for an answer. You know who doesn't take NO for an answer? Spoiled children, psychopaths, and rapists. Then people wonder how psychopaths become CEOs... because that's who people respect. They think that it takes a lot of courage to be that pushy, but really it takes a blatant disrespect for the boundaries of others, the reduced fear of a psychopath, and the tenacious selfishness of a child.

If I have to say NO more than once to someone, nicely, my NOs get a lot less nice. Because I will see them as either a spoiled child who wants to get their way, a rapist who will just keep going, or a psychopath who sees what they want and don't really care who they walk over to get it. This assessment has rarely been wrong. And this is why when I tell Morgan No, but she keeps going, I often say "You didn't respond when I asked you nicely. Do you want me to ask you not nicely?" She often says no, and then when I ask her nice, she does it. My 6 yr old gets this better than many adults.

There is a plethora of overgrown children who don't respond when you broach things nicely and it's only the threat of escalation they respond to. Yet the immature don't seem to understand why people react the way they do to them or connect that it's a direct response to their behavior. So they seem bewildered when someone doesn't give them their way or want to deal with them. Of course the psychopaths and rapists usually know what they are doing and just don't like being called out on it and their greatest fear is you alerting others to their methods and losing power.

Perhaps if we REALLY want the world to be a better place, there's no better way to start a respect for boundaries than to listen to the word NO. And to be mindful of those who don't accept NO for an answer not as heroes but as the dangerous people they are. Let your YESes be YES and your NOs be NOs, and commit to them when you say them. I have to remind myself of this, but there's always some overgrown child or psycho there to remind me why I can't waver in these without being steamrolled over by them in the pursuit of their desire.