If EVERYTHING is your choice, you have an absurd amount of control over your life, that just doesn't jive with reality. There are choices, and that is your responsibility, but people seem to forget that other people have choices and free will too. And often their choices negate yours. I chose Ron Paul for president. If it was all up to me, he would be, but the choices of many other people thwarted my choice.
Most emotionally balanced people know the difference, what they have control over, and what they don't, but there are some who go whole hog with the idea one way or the other. The problem is that the real story is rarely so extreme. They like to tell victims of abuse that they deserved and desired what happened to them, because it was their choice, and neglect the choices of the abuser to lie, weasel, and control. The irony is that the person blaming the victim is as hell bent on control as the abuser themselves.
When you marry an abuser, you are ordering the scrumptious plate on the menu, and served a rancid piece of meat that gives you food poisoning. When you make your order, you ask for the well pictured dish in the menu, and often the results are nothing like the picture. Yes, you make choices. But other people do too, and you are sometimes subject to other people's choices whether you want to be or not. Sometimes you aren't given a choice. You can choose what to do with what you are given, but sometimes those choices are limited.
There was a book, that someone used to hail, that said that people with Multiple Sclerosis got it because they are too stubborn. My aunt died of one of the worst cases of MS on record. She died a 70 lb skeleton, and was THEE most gullable person I knew. There was not a stubborn bone in her body, but if you had told her that, she would have blamed herself and thought it true. However, she and my uncle contracted MS, because it was in their genes, not because of a personality fault.
The problem is that this philosophy only works in hindsight. You can't say, "Oh you're stubborn, you're going to get MS," because it doesn't work that way, it's always backwards blaming. When it comes down to it, the healthiest people I've known have also been the ones with the least empathy, compassion, and humanity. They rarely get sick so have no tolerance or way to empathize with those who are. I've known some extremely healthy people who are very stubborn, and others if they had physical ailments for their personality faults would be constantly bleeding out both eyes.
This concept is called the "Just World Hypothesis" and actually is indicative of personality disorders. It's also the fast track to victim blame. It gives a person, an illusion of control that makes them feel safe, so long as bad things only happen to bad people. For them to hold this view, they hold themselves in higher esteem than others. They consider themselves better than others and thus invulnerable to such problems. The moment that they think that possibly bad things could happen to good people, their world starts to fall apart and it's too scary for them to handle, so they impose this view and often blame victims for somehow deserving their fate.
There was a book, that someone used to hail, that said that people with Multiple Sclerosis got it because they are too stubborn. My aunt died of one of the worst cases of MS on record. She died a 70 lb skeleton, and was THEE most gullable person I knew. There was not a stubborn bone in her body, but if you had told her that, she would have blamed herself and thought it true. However, she and my uncle contracted MS, because it was in their genes, not because of a personality fault.
The problem is that this philosophy only works in hindsight. You can't say, "Oh you're stubborn, you're going to get MS," because it doesn't work that way, it's always backwards blaming. When it comes down to it, the healthiest people I've known have also been the ones with the least empathy, compassion, and humanity. They rarely get sick so have no tolerance or way to empathize with those who are. I've known some extremely healthy people who are very stubborn, and others if they had physical ailments for their personality faults would be constantly bleeding out both eyes.
This concept is called the "Just World Hypothesis" and actually is indicative of personality disorders. It's also the fast track to victim blame. It gives a person, an illusion of control that makes them feel safe, so long as bad things only happen to bad people. For them to hold this view, they hold themselves in higher esteem than others. They consider themselves better than others and thus invulnerable to such problems. The moment that they think that possibly bad things could happen to good people, their world starts to fall apart and it's too scary for them to handle, so they impose this view and often blame victims for somehow deserving their fate.
"Just-World Hypothesis. The idea that people need to believe one will get what one deserves so strongly that they will rationalize an inexplicable injustice by naming things the victim might have done to deserve it. Also known as blaming the victim, the just-world fallacy, and the just-world effect." via Psych Central. More can be read on wikipedia. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Just-world_hypothesis
You are responsible for your choices, and other people are responsible for theirs. But the person who tries to make you feel responsible for someone else's choices is living in a shaky reality where horrible things only happen on TV. Don't let their need for control, their choice, control you.
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