A Personal Crusade

If I am attached to another person because I cannot stand on my own two feet, he or she may be a life saver, but the relationship is not one of love. - Erich Fromm

Because of my own personal experiences, I feel drawn to reach out to others and help them come to a better understanding of some delicate issues.

As many others, I was raised with the concept that it's not abuse unless it leaves a mark. Without bruises or gaping wounds to present, it is often hard to uncover the more subversive yet often more lasting wounds of emotional abuse that do not heal as easily with time as the wounds of physical abuse.

The problem with emotional abuse is that it is slow and creeping, and it is often the precursor to physical abuse. It leaves the victim damaged or even destroyed on the inside while the outside may be virtually untouched. Although the person may still be able to function physically, the damaging effects are seen in their personal and professional relationships, mental and emotional health, and their general success and effectiveness throughout their lifetime. Often the psychological effects of the emotional abuse that accompany physical abuse provide the more lasting damage.

Emotional abuse is not an occasional spat or outburst, it IS an ongoing and habitual PATTERN. All of us are guilty of losing tempers and saying things that we don't mean, but emotional abuse is a continual progressive pattern with the conscious or subconscious intent to tear down the other person, or to build the abuser up by pushing the other down. It carries a general disrespect or devaluation of the person being abused. Emotional abusers aren't always parents or lovers. They can be coworkers, bosses, friends, siblings, extended family, or just about anyone who has developed these damaging techniques to accomplish their own means.

My hope is to bring public awareness to this constant pestilence in our society. My purpose is to help people understand that they do not have to be miserable and to learn how they are hurting themselves and often those around them.

If we can eliminate emotional abuse, then physical abuse will follow, along with many other negative social problems in the world today. If we want to change the world, we have to start from within our own hearts.

Positive healthy relationships with those around us are possible and worth working for, but sometimes you have to learn what the negative traits are that need to be avoided before that can happen.

• Do you feel that you can't discuss with them what is bothering you? 
• Do they frequently criticize you, humiliate you, or undermine your self-esteem? 
• Do they ridicule you for expressing yourself? 
• Do they isolate you from friends, family or groups? 
• Do they always put their needs before yours? 
• Do they limit your access to work, money or material resources? 
• Have you ever felt obligated to have sex, just to avoid an argument about it? 
• Do you understand their feelings, but do they rarely attempt to understand yours? 
• Do they dismiss your difficulties, issues, or complaints as unimportant or an overreaction? 
• Do they not listen to you? 
• Do they not allow you to have your own thoughts and opinions? 
• Do they ignore logic and prefer histrionics in order to remain the centre of attention? 
• Do they attempt to destroy any outside support by belittling that support in an effort to retain exclusive control over your emotions? 
• Do they perceive themselves as a martyr or victim who expects preferential treatment? 
• Do they project their feelings, short comings, or misbehavior onto you? 
• Do they not take responsibility for hurting others by blame shifting, minimizing, or denying it all together? When held accountable, instead of acknowledging and validating your feelings, do they instead emote, blame you for initiating it, or attack your character/feelings ("The Ad hominem Fallacy") as opposed to addressing the actual issue. 
• Do you find yourself apologizing frequently but rarely if ever hear an apology from them? 
• Do they concentrate more on placing blame than fixing the problem? 
• Do you sometimes feel trapped in the relationship, and fear what will happen if you attempt to leave? If you have left, have they stalked, character assassinated/black balled, or tried to ruin you in some way when they could not woo you back? 
• Are you afraid of your partner?