Drama that Should Not Continue Post High School

I've shared before saying that two-thirds of people never reach the final stages of mental development, including abstract thought, which involves looking beyond yourself.  This means that many people... actually most, two-thirds, are not fully mentally developed.  Welcome to high school reactions.  It feels like you're back in high school or college because often these people stopped developing mentally on that level, and so they behave out of that same mentality.

Some indications might be living in such a way congruent to life at the point in time that they stopped developing.  Most obviously they might be living with or off their parents, or refuse to actually venture out into completely taking care of themselves. Some might even put their parents in a subservient role of care-taking them. Or they might be seeking intimate relationships with people who are much younger than them, but at the same place they are mentally.  Regardless of the expression of this undeveloped mentality, the themes are for immediate satisfaction and ignorant of long term goals or consequences.  They live in the moment and are often prone to impulses.

By reacting on impulse, this negates a search for the growth for those final stages of mental development, and keeps their mind in the general state it had been.  This is most often seen in responses to difficult situations with which they try to apply their undeveloped notions. Although they might be able to skate by nonchalantly, when things get tough, no matter how deep they might proclaim, they tackle it "old school".

Because romantic relationships are complex and require higher levels of development, it is often one of those places that lack of development begins to become apparent. As previously stated, the seeking of a mental equal, often means seeking younger companionship, often this person will grow past the undeveloped one, and you will see the undeveloped person again fishing for someone of the original age.  Because mates of their own age will certainly be exasperated by their behavior, while younger mates will not have matured enough or not had enough experience to know that there is a problem.

Love becomes an excuse for many horrible things. This comes into play with emotional reasoning, and justifying something emotionally, means you can justify just about any behavior on the grounds of feeling the heat of the moment. This can span from stalking to rape, because the only limitations are the undeveloped emotions of the perpetrator. When receiving literature after my rape about domestic abuse, one of the main causes listed was immaturity of the abusive partner.

That immaturity comes from a large child who was used to being the center of attention, and is used to receiving more than they give, as they did with their parents. Most people in their teens go through a stage of narcissism as they try to work out who they are, and to establish their own independence. However many stalemate in this process and become narcissistic for an elongated period, possibly developing narcissistic personality disorder as a response to extreme disappointment from their parents.  This creates an entitled nature where they believe that they have some quality that makes them deserve special treatment.  If you have met a teenager, then you have probably encountered narcissism and can see the underlying undeveloped nature of the mentality. The biggest problem with narcissism is that only a narcissist can cure themselves, and for the most part they enjoy being a narcissist, so it is a rare case to overcome when it sets in for extraneous amounts of time.

Another undeveloped notion that is very high school is that when you break up with someone, the retaining of a sense of ownership over that person.  This can often be seen in them being overly involved, jealous, or angry that the other person has moved on without them, even if they were the one that ended the relationship in the first place.  That thought process is only a demented step from "If I can't have you no one will". A mature mind understands that their time together is over and that they have no say in the future relationships of the individual. If they had wanted a relationship to continue, it should have been dealt with from within the relationship when it was still active. Any guilt trips or other such responsibility laid on the individual for moving on, are simply control mechanisms from an undeveloped mind who cannot cope.  Sure it may hurt to see someone you love be with someone else, but it is not your place to have a say, since your time with them has ended. That jealousy and pain is yours and not something that the other should be responsible for, or have to walk on eggshells about.

The worst and most high school of the undeveloped mind is the intent to meddle or "teach someone a lesson". This is emotionally abusive and usually a reaction to feeling out of control of the situation by trying to initiate some measure of strings that they might pull to influence the target.  This is again emotional reasoning and not abstract. It lashes out because it is hurt and wants to hurt the target in whatever way they can.  This emotional reaction is often justified through shaky logic like, "they talked about me"... and therefore they feel free to trash talk the person to everyone they know, when the target they are character assassinating might have been talking to a friend, while being tight-lipped in professional spheres. However the undeveloped person will not afford them the same restraint because they are riding the tide of an excuse. In the end it's just an excuse to do what they really want in the first place, which is make the other person pay for upsetting them, because their emotions are the end all be all of what is to be obeyed in their world.

Often in high school mean girls or the jocks will establish dominance through these tactics in an atmosphere of similar undeveloped minds where it will be quite affective and even skyrocket their popularity. They learn to manipulate people, and turn the tide for or against others.  So when they enter the real world, they have no inclination to deviate from behavior that worked so far to their advantage in order to acquire a higher mental development.  On the opposite end of the spectrum, if they were underdeveloped mentally in high school, they might be slowly developing and not reach those stages until later, however that does not mean that they cannot keep developing, and may in the end surpass those refusing to develop.  However there is always the trap of trying to recapture what they felt that they missed out on when everyone else seemed to be enjoying life.  So instead of moving forward, they are always looking back and trying to relive glory days.

All of these behaviors are destructive and emotionally abusive, because they come from the same core, a lack of empathy and understanding from a brain that has not reached the final stages of mental development.  This is two-thirds of the population, content to not seek much past their childhood. However some of these undeveloped individuals perceive themselves as having acquired a higher state of awareness, depth, or spiritual capacity, they can rest on their perceived laurels instead of developing. It creates a kind of narcissism that uses that feeling of spiritual height as a source of their entitlement, and at times an excuse to employ it as a weapon.  This again is not highly developed, but a show from a mind that hasn't reached the final stages of development.

 Personally I believe that this is partially the result of a system that keeps us kids too long, because impulse buying is economically beneficial to many people.  When a person becomes an "adult" at 18 they have not been allowed any of the responsibilities that come from being an adult.  It's not like they woke up one day and everything changed.  Maturation is not a numerical field to be entered, it is a process that forms over many years mentally as it does physically.  This leaves many behind by the time they reach their early to mid twenties when the human growth hormone shuts down. At this time, your brain is fully developed and begins to set into who you will be for the rest of your life.  This is why the military prefers people between the ages of 18-25 because they are the most malleable at that age, and can be shaped into who and what they want.  After that, people truly become set in their ways and it takes massive amounts of effort to change that.

My husband, Trenton, went to college at 16.  He is 2 years younger than the intelligent fellow I was dating before him, but he has his life together so much more than the other.  I think a big part of this is that he had a head start on moving forward into adulthood.  Not perfect by a long shot, he has continued to develop and grow, course it helps that he's a certified genius.  My grandfather was too, and he began working at an early age. He married my grandmother when they were teenagers, but neither stopped growing. He raised 5 kids, buried one, flew a bomber in WW2, became a successful architect, and was an amazing artist.  They came from humble beginnings and did amazing things, but they got an early start on it all, making it through a depression and building a solid life.  They were part of what has been referred to as the greatest generation. Although I doubt that, I do believe that having an earlier start on building a life of their own, might have had something to do with it.

In my humble opinion, we cannot be surprised at a generation that is kept children, kept from real responsibility, kept from all the things that they will have to do for themselves, and the majority don't reach the final stages of mental development.  The expectations are too low, and the lines of what it means to be mentally developed and truly mature have frayed. One does not have to lose the loves and passions of youth to take on the yoke of responsibility to be emotionally and mentally conscientious.  It does society no favors to keep people children longer, and in fact only encourages emotionally abusive behaviors that could turn into physically abusive or delinquent behaviors.  Tired of bored teens playing knock out games? Perhaps if they had a job and were contributing to society, they wouldn't have the time to do them, and would be developing in mentally healthier ways.