Thursday, October 24, 2013

Alien News: Dear Sarly


Our reader writes:

Dear Sarly,

I have been married for 15 years to a wonderful man, but lately he has been coming home from work later and later. The other day I thought that I smelled perfume on his shirt. His friends divert their eyes when they talk to me now. I'm sure that my husband is cheating on me, but I don't know what to do.

Please Help!

Helen


Dear Helen,

There's really not much you can do if his eyes are wandering. My suggestion is to possibly try some counseling. If that doesn't work, you should definitely eat him, in one gulp if you can. Just close your eyes and get it over with. If you don't have the ability to eat him in one gulp, just go for the head. Although if he has caused you any emotional damage, I suggest that you beat him with a stick first to soften him up before you try to digest him.

I hope that helps, Helen. It's been a tried and true solution for us Abzons for centuries. It also keeps his friends from getting the idea of doing the same to their wives.

Sincerely,

Sarly

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