Day 4

The Guardian @2001 Lindsay Archer

Exhausted, and stress has taken its toll on my already crappy immune system... the same immune system that attacked my thyroid.  This morning I got up with Morgan and let Trenton sleep in... as if things weren't hard enough, he's on call this weekend and had extra work thrown at him when we could really use the downtime. He slept for 12 hours, and I got up and am feeling weak and shaky all over. I was supposed to go shoot bows with a friend today, but I don't think I could pull one if I wanted to, even if it's only 35 lbs.

I was nervous when we went out for a walk yesterday, but my dog and my gun, they comfort me.  Part of me is very angry to be put in this position, angry that they let him out, angry that it's now up to me to have to be on guard all the time.  Add that to the general anger that people like him exist, and get away with things, the anger that there are SO MANY women out there who have had similar experiences, which means men like this are everywhere and get away with it.  Also add the anger at people's stupid responses from throwing Bible verses, saying nothing could happen, claiming that you're lying cause things like that only happen on TV, to making it somehow about them, claiming they had some supernatural pre-knowledge, or that I must have done something to deserve it.  All of this makes social interactions a potential powder keg, and all of it is well meaning from people who genuinely don't understand that the only person they are making feel better is themselves.  Obviously not everybody has such responses and I say again I have some awesome friends who are very supportive and counter balance the BS.

We now know who Liam's parole officer is, so we have that contact information, and that is good. That must have been who called yesterday from Jackson, Ga.  I missed the call, but when I saw where it was from, I couldn't even listen to the voice mail and had to have Trenton listen to it.  Mostly they just left us a call back number for the parole officer, and hopefully they'll understand if I have Trenton call. Theoretically I could in fact do it myself, but when I'm freaking out, my memory, and ability to speak become impaired. So I would make it through the phone call and either instantly block it out or not be able to ask pertinent questions... yay for the crazy side effects I'm still dealing with thanks to my bad experiences.

Feeling very unsocial in general.  I'm an introvert so people in general are very draining to me, but now I'm already drained and I just can't muster the energy for social interaction.  Even responding to texts seems exhausting, making my responses rather short and hopefully not curt.  Really I don't have much to say in response.  Typing this blog or talking to close friends, I'm still quite verbose, but not to those I'm not 100% comfortable with conversing.

One thing I will say about this Halloween... it will be the scariest freaking one I've ever had!